1 Year Old Fell Backwards And Hit Head On Floor The Most Lucrative Dissertation Defense

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The Most Lucrative Dissertation Defense

“Desperate University” is a college at the foot of a canyon in the Great Plains between Interstates 85 and 212 in South Dakota. The school includes undergraduate and graduate degrees for poor students with very little money. It was founded in 1901 by an archaeologist who got lost in the desert, apparently looking for old Spanish ruins. According to legend, only part of the native Sioux tribe heard the voice of the archaeologist, who had run out of food and water. As he lay dying, he repeatedly cried out “Help me! I’m desperate!”

The Sioux only understood the word “desperate” or “desperado” because they had learned a little basic Spanish from their ancestors who fell into the hands of the Spanish conquistadors. Over the years, the Indians spoke of “Mr. Desperate.” Unfortunately, the man died when the tribe traced his voice. The tribe examined the man’s clothing and discovered that the archaeologist was carrying more than $5,000 in cash.

Over the following decades, Desperate’s money was used to improve the lives of the local Indians. Most of the money had been spent on schools, including a small college that local Indians could attend at a reasonable cost. By 2005, American high school graduates with financial problems from across the country were enrolling in the “Desperate” program because of its low tuition. Desperate University had done everything it could to get more money to keep the school open.

However, this all changed when the student studied for his Ph.D. degree in microscopic geology named Steve Gem, who had received a base metal detector as a birthday present from his parents. When Steve received the detector, he went into the desert and began waving his new detector across acres of sand looking for meteorites. The desert merged with the many rocks that were in his way. So he tried to stop his machine from going over them, he accidentally flipped the detector over a small rock, and his ears caught a huge “BEEEPPP” sound.

He lifted the rock and saw a larger outcrop that appeared to be a dirty gray-yellow. He pulled it out of the ground with all his might, and the stone reluctantly pulled itself out of the sand. It looked fluffy and misshapen. Steve tried to lift it, but it was very heavy; he guessed its weight to be about more than 20 kilos. Steve spit the rock apart and noticed it was a pale, yellow color. Then it dawned on him that the “rock” might be a giant nugget of gold!

Steve was so excited that he picked it up and walked back to his truck several hundred yards away. Fifteen minutes later, he was so exhausted that he used the last of his energy to lift it onto the bed of the truck and place canvas bags over it so no one would see it.

That night, Steve skated the “rock” with the bags around it and slipped into the geology department lab. He rinsed it completely in the sink, revealing a dark golden color. Then he took a metal cutter to take flake samples from the rock. Then he put them under a microscope and examined them. After an hour, he concluded that the rock mass was indeed a gold nugget and not “Fool’s Gold”, also known as “pyrite”.

With Steve’s heart racing with joy, he slipped the button into his backpack and hid it under his dorm bed until the day Steve would defend his dissertation. After years of studying geology in college and graduate school at Desperate University, this was his day to defend his dissertation on a breakthrough in the desert where he had mapped the area where he had found a 25-pound nugget of gold and found more gold as well.

A week later, he walked into the committee room and met his professor from the geology department. He tensed with his dissertation in his hand, which he tried not to clench. He brought his backpack containing the gold nugget and announced his find. Geology Department Head Dr. “Rocky” A. Stalagmite and other professors in the department widened their eyes with excitement as Steve took out the bundle. As Steve explained his work reflected in his dissertation where he mapped the desert area where he found more gold. He exclaimed that his research would benefit many people, including himself, which of course would pay millions of dollars for the knowledge of that dissertation.

Then he looked at the greedy faces of his committee, looking at Steve wide-eyed. Dr. Stalagmite asked him, “Now have you spoken to anyone about your findings?”

Steve replied, “Well, I’ve talked to a lot of companies that would pay handsomely for gold in the desert.”

“Well, I think we’re ready to discuss Steve’s dissertation. Steve, why don’t you go outside and we’ll get back to you when we’re done discussing this.”

After a few minutes, Steve heard some scuffling and shouting in the committee room. Inside, all the professors were trying to grab the map, and everyone was yelling, “Give it to me!” “It’s mine!” After thirty minutes, the room suddenly burst open as the professors pushed each other. Dr. Pebble, a small woman, did a cartographic dissertation. He then falls, but gets up and runs to the elevator, with the entire geology department professors chasing him.

When he got to the elevator, it was already open. He ran in and hit the close button. He ran his fingers over the buttons and pressed “Floor 1”. When he got there, all the committee members had gone up the stairs and were waiting for him.

The whole production was a mess, but it can be said that Steve’s thesis was “defended” very well. After a few days, the president of the university asked Steve to come to his office. He told Steve that if he wanted to earn a doctorate, he would have to “donate” the map to the school, plus half the value of the gold nuggets, which would go to Steve. Steve thought that at $1,700 an ounce of gold, a 25-pound bundle was worth $6,120,000. Steve thought it was a fair trade.

So it can be said that “Desperate University” was no longer “desperate” for money, but was renamed “Gem University” after Steve Gem’s map made the school rich.

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