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What Are These Thoughts in My Head and Where Do They Come From?
“I always feel like I have these voices in my head. One says I should do this. Another says I should do something else, then a third voice comes out of nowhere saying I should do something completely different. What do I? I often feel confused and distracted. I feel like I’m being pulled in a dozen directions all the time. I feel like I’m going crazy .
Sound familiar? If you’re like the rest of us humans, you probably recognize yourself in this person’s dilemma. First of all, it’s good to know that you are not alone. We all hear different and often contradictory voices in our heads.
From my point of view, we are multidimensional beings. There are many ways to understand this concept. The easiest thing is to recognize that our one-year-old selves are still alive and well inside of us, along with our 13-year-olds, our 27-year-olds, and all the other years you want to put in there. All our parts are present. These parts did not go anywhere. It is also important to note that we have made decisions about ourselves and life at these different ages. And those decisions are still in place unless we have consciously stepped back and re-educated those parts of ourselves with new, updated and mature information.
This is why we often hear different ideas or voices in our head. Let’s say I’m thinking about doing something like skydiving. My 16 year old says, “Yeah!! That would be cool. I want to jump out of a plane and fly!” My 33-year-old then says, “I don’t know. It’s quite expensive. I need to save some money for a house or something big.” Then my 6 year old comes up and says, “NO! This is scary! Don’t make me do this!” And then my 42-year-old starts thinking about the speed of air when I hit the ground and wonders if I need to do any special exercises or stretches so I don’t aggravate that old football injury. make ? How do I make a decision with all these conflicting voices? Shakespeare said, “To yourself be faithful.” Great concept, but which “me?” What voice should I listen to?
The first step is to realize that we have these different voices offering their advice. They all share their truth from their point of view. They all want things done their way. The challenge is to get this “committee” to come together in consensus so that we can make a decision that is for the highest good of all of our parties.
One way to do this is to do what I call “dialogue writing”. It involves getting out a sheet of paper and a pen, and giving everyone a voice by writing down their truth, opinion, worries, fears, and ultimate intention. The goal here is to find a way where all parts of you can be heard and its ultimate intention is fulfilled.
If we look at the example above, several intents are stated. The 16-year-old wants adventure, the 33-year-old wants to be financially responsible, while the 6-year-old and the 42-year-old both want to be safe.
Often, just by taking the time to write down all the different concerns of each part of us, a resolution appears. In the case of skydiving, three intentions are required. Is there a way to have an affordable adventure while being safe? Is there a way to create a skydiving experience that fulfills these three intentions?
In order to come to a resolution, we might need to bring in another part of ourselves which I call the “neutral observer”. The “neutral observer” is the sage within. He knows how to set healthy boundaries. He knows how to communicate and create consensus. It provides protection and support so that the vulnerable child can avoid shame and/or pain. And, it can inspire and encourage all parts of us towards the higher goal or higher good. You might say, “I don’t know if I have a ‘neutral observer’ in me. I encourage you to play around with this technique a bit, and I have a feeling you’ll find a very wise one deep inside of you waiting for you to invite them to share their wisdom.
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