Best Things To Make Life Easier With 1 Year Old The Forgotten Factor in Coping with the Death of Your Loved One

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The Forgotten Factor in Coping with the Death of Your Loved One

No one is immune to the sad experience of mourning the death of a loved one. Yet until death enters our lives and a significant person is no longer with us, our culture teaches us to deny death and minimize its impact on quality of life. Then, if we’re lucky, we get a crash course in grief from a counselor, clergy, or social worker.

No matter what we learn in this time, we have long struggled with the burden of half-truths and false beliefs perpetuated by well-meaning adults. These assumptions and beliefs make it difficult to achieve the ultimate goal of all grief: accepting the reality of the loss. To accept is to say an intellectual, but above all emotional, “yes” to this major change in our lives.

Acceptance only comes through the concerted efforts of the grieving person. Contrary to old misinformation, time does not heal all wounds unless the grieving person does their job of grieving. Or, as one mother told me after her 17-year-old son died in a car accident, “Time doesn’t help unless you work between the minutes.”

The key understanding is that you must take daily action to accept and reinvest in life. All of this is easy to say but hard to do. So what form should action take? Here are five beginnings.

1. Speak to yourself each day and each night that you go through this dark experience of introspection. What you tell yourself not only affects every cell in your body for better or worse, but it will also strongly affect the much-needed action that only you can initiate.

2. Although essential, positive self-talk alone is not a panacea. You need to start designing small successes in order to realize that you can adapt to this major life change. This is the key factor. Make a plan to get you through that particular day (even the next hour) or one that you think will be difficult for you. Maybe working part-time would be a hit for you, or filing your tax return on your own for the first time. Find something and go for it because it will strengthen your inner life.

3. Recognize how far you’ve come. As you review your day, give yourself credit for where you are on your journey. If it’s only been a month or several months, note that you continue and will persist. Every day, tell yourself that you will persevere and know that things will change for the better. Your consistent action to adapt will make the difference. Celebrate your progress with a friend you trust who knows your pain.

4. Examine why you are where you are in your grieving process. What skills did you use? Or what hidden talent have you discovered that you didn’t know you had? Something brought you here. Your ability to organize yourself? Your engagement ? A belief? Your faith? Knowing that you are not alone or how to communicate with caregivers? Keep using whatever it is and work on developing it even more. In short, recognize and use your strengths.

5. Begin and end each day with memories of gratitude. This will be especially helpful when you feel the downward spiral and anxiety about your loss beginning to set in. Review your day for the good things that happened – an old friend called, you found the key you misplaced, got a raise, your computer is working fine, etc. – and immerse yourself fully in the good feelings. It’s good mental health in the making. Also review your life with the deceased and choose memories of gratitude. Focus on all that you have received and sink back into feeling loved by him/her and a Higher Power.

In the final analysis, your action, which will result in small successes, will be the determining factor in eliminating unnecessary suffering from your time of mourning. In the process of adaptation, get rid of the idea that you cannot have moments of joy and inner peace. We all need it to balance the sadness and negative thoughts that constantly seep into our thoughts. It’s okay to smile, feel good or laugh without feeling guilty – it’s part of the action you can take and another small success. It will recharge you when you return to continue adjusting to your great loss.

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