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Teach Your Child to Take Responsibility For Their Actions
It is important to teach your child to take responsibility for their actions. If you do, you will help them, now and in their future. People in the company will also be grateful. Because they know that those who don’t take responsibility for their own actions can cause heartache. From drunk driving, home burglaries, muggings and assaults to often bounced checks, and more.
First, look for yourself. Do you take responsibility for your actions? For example, do you pay people on time? If not, what are you teaching your child? Your child looks to you for advice on how to act. Do you try to blame others for your mistakes? Or rationalize them? “No Bob, it wasn’t my fault the budget went over this month. There was a dress on sale that I had to buy.” You need the basic necessities in life, like food and gas for the stove. You don’t need another dress. You might like one. The sale might have been hard to resist. But if you did buy the dress, at least acknowledge that you went over the monthly budget and it might not have been the wisest choice in the end. If you don’t, your child will see that you don’t take responsibility for your actions. So why should they.
Set ground rules for your child. So they know what you expect. If they break the rules, don’t let it slide. You don’t need to yell at them. But you must tell them that you are aware of what they have done and therefore XYZ will be the consequence. You cannot force your child to regret what he has done. But you can get them to take responsibility for it by giving them a consequence.
Consider this scenario: There are two children, Child A and Child B, who are fourth grade friends. They often come and go to other people’s homes. Child B really admires a trinket in Child A and repeats it over and over. One day, the object disappears. He is wanted and not found. Months later, Parent A visits Parent B and sees this lost item. (In this scenario, both parents are law-abiding citizens and are not kleptomaniacs or stealing for a living.) Parent A asks Parent B about this. Parent B says Child B said Parent A gave it to him. Parent A says that is not true. Parent B returns the item to Parent A and apologizes. However, Parent B never asks his own child to apologize to Parent A. The excuse being that his child denies taking the object and firmly maintains that Parent A gave him the object. Also, if they took it, they were just a kid. Parent B is embarrassed by the situation and gives up. Child B is never punished and the situation is ignored. Let’s go further, parent A feels bad for reporting the situation to parent B. Because they think child A is such a nice child. Parent A even thinks that maybe he should have known that such a shiny object would be an attraction for a child and that he should have put it out of sight. My Take: #1 Sure, Child A probably has many good qualities, but that doesn’t mean he stole and lied. #2, People shouldn’t have to put away their adornments that they prefer to display due to “sticky fingers”. #3- Child B was not two years old. They were in high school. They knew stealing was wrong. Besides lying. If not from their parent, then from outside sources like a teacher and their environment. #4- There will always be attractions in life. Children must learn to control themselves. You can’t excuse a child for stealing candy from a grocery store because it was an attraction.
Children must take responsibility for their actions. Otherwise, the problem will continue in one form or another. So what did parent B teach his child? I’ll let you fly and lie. I won’t blame you for that. But, it’s not in a child’s interest to let him off the hook. As adults, they won’t be able to say, “Hey, I like shiny cars. I think I’ll take my neighbor’s.” Because if they get caught, now it’s the court that’s going to hold them accountable for their actions.
Some parents find it easier to say, “If my child does XYZ again, next time I will discipline him.” Then the next time comes around and they use that excuse again. Not looking at a problem does not make it go away. If your child hits, swears, your teenager comes home at 4 a.m., etc. don’t pass up. Ask your child to take responsibility for what they do. Correct unacceptable behavior. If you don’t, the unwanted behavior will continue. And you don’t want that to continue into adulthood.
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