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Introducing New Baby to the Older Child

Will a new baby make the family a quartet? Here are some tips to make this transition as smooth as possible.

Be sure to introduce your child to the new baby before birth. Share ultrasound images. Let her know the baby by patting her, talking to her, and feeling her kick. Play a game of talking and planning for the new sibling. When a young child doesn’t see the baby, it won’t threaten their territory, although a toddler may sense that mom and dad are concerned about the new bulge.

See your child as a baby. Share her baby album with her. Show her what she looked like when she was born, when she was breastfeeding, coming home from the hospital, having her diapers changed, etc. If she is familiar with newborn tasks, she will be better prepared for things to come.

Verbally prepare her for the baby’s entry. “Mom will hold the new baby all the time. New babies sit in mom’s arms all day. Babies sleep and suckle all day. Newborns, little babies need their moms and dads for help”.

Make sure the child participates in the festivities of the new baby. She can help plan a baby birthday party. She will enjoy helping choose the cake and decorations. She can help choose special gifts for the new sibling.

Make sure your child also gets a gift. It is common for family and friends to bring a gift for the older child when the new baby visits. In the absence of this, keep gifts hidden for your child when gifts are given to the new baby. It’s also a good idea to let her unwrap baby gifts and try out new toys, like rattles.

It has been shown that sharing mommy with the new baby is what bothers children the most. Sharing is almost always a foreign concept for kids under three and mom is their most prized “asset”. Most children will not be willing to accept the concept of sharing time with the new baby. What you can do is share with your child the time spent caring for your newborn. Baby carriers give you two hands free to play and physically interact with your child. Read a book while feeding baby.

Make the older child feel important. All children want to help. Give him family work. Tell him you need his help. Be sure to praise her when she helps you. She may even learn some maternal skills along the way.

Encourage your child to talk about his feelings. These can be negative or positive. Drawing pictures can help open it up. Often children feel safer drawing what they feel. Always say that his feelings are normal. Chances are your child will open up more. All human beings want to be accepted and understood.

Revisit special times often, especially with Dad. These can be trips to the playground, to the ice cream parlor or even to the local market. These one-on-one moments are reserved for the oldest child. It helps that she gets daddy’s attention when she lost mommy’s attention.

Following these general guidelines should help make the transition to an extended family easier and more enjoyable, especially in the first few months. A new baby in the family is a joy and as parents we must remember that the difficult times will all be a distant memory.

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