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Learning the Art of Receiving by Watching a Snake Slide Out of My Solar Plexus
It is enormous!! This is a subject that I will have a hard time writing about. It was actually hard to meditate this morning – my body and mind tried everything to avoid doing it. He obviously knew that I was about to go deeper and address huge issues for me. I didn’t realize but I really touched a nerve, I touched oil…and what’s next, I have no idea. This is new territory for me – I’m scared, I feel the pain and I’m determined to get to the other side. So let’s do it.
It all started very innocently last night. Nikstarr held a Womens Gathering event last night which involved a beautiful meditation. It took us to our hearts. During the process, we had to reach out to the center of the circle to pick up a colored ribbon that would represent one of the chakras. I closed my eyes and reached the heap. I thought to myself “I will choose the most appropriate ribbon for me right away”. I opened my eyes – I had removed the yellow ribbon – representing my Solar Plexus. I smiled because I knew this was definitely something I had been working on since June of this year – a long time ago when I was doing my breathing class. Memories of screaming in pain while being pricked in that area and feeling a blockage of concrete the width of a house inside. Weird… but that’s how I felt.
I’ve done a lot of work since then, but sitting there last night I knew it was time to get back to it. After finally now having an open heart chakra, cleared of its blockages, like new found strength, I could deal with these last remnants of the concrete wall in my gut. So, listening to the hauntingly beautiful music that took me on a journey, I could feel the energy flowing into my third eye and back through my heart chakra meeting the crystal in the center of the circle. I felt a bolt of energy shoot up my spine as the crystal wand touched my back.
Suddenly, focusing on my solar plexus, through my mind, I could feel that I was trying to pull something out. As I wrapped my finger around something dark and started to pull, a large green and brown snake slipped out from inside my manipura. It felt like it had been going on for ages, and then it was gone. What was weird is that the heaviness remained, like the concrete wall remained. So I wondered why, with the snake gone, I didn’t feel lighter. I left the thoughts on it, and just hoped the answers would come. In fact, Nicole mentioned that Kali visited us and left us each a gift. That all would be revealed on the full moon on Sunday. Kali is the Hindu Goddess who removes the ego and frees the soul from the cycle of birth and death. She said everything we fought against will be released on Sunday and you will be free. I was excited but still had no understanding of what this meant to me.
This morning, everything was revealed. I woke up tired and a bit irritated. I resisted my usual routine of writing in my journal and then meditating. Part of me didn’t want to do it, but something inside of me knew there was probably a reason. All the more reason to do so. So after I finally convinced myself, I started writing in my journal. I started by writing my love letter to money, and then everything changed quickly. I realized that loving others is all about loving yourself. Our self-esteem. So I decided I had to look into this. I realized that I was extremely uncomfortable with this topic and the word “SELFISHI felt it in my heart. I always get nervous and in tears with this. I interpreted that having self-esteem is selfish. But while writing in my journal, I recognized that science shows that the universe is in everything and everything is in the universe. Each subatomic particle is a holograph of the universe. Therefore, when I deny the ability to love myself, I deny the universe of love.
I decided I had found my meditation theme, and with great resistance I meditated on self-esteem. FULL ON! There were tears, there was dry black energy, there was resistance, and there was a lot of realization. I realized that one of the reasons I attracted men into my life who denied my love – was because in reality I was denying myself love and therefore I would never receive the love I had. they never attempted to give. Why love someone who denies you by not receiving your love – they reject your love. I actually burst into tears because I realized I had blocked ALL love from anyone. I had created a protection mechanism that would eliminate any form of gifting because receiving was selfish. I didn’t want to be selfish because people don’t like people who are selfish. So instead, I’ll just give love – but hey, why don’t they love me back! OMG what a crazy cycle I’ve been in for 30 years! I burst into tears.
I realized that in my next meditations, I must master the art of receiving. Rather than focusing on sending love to people, humanity or even sending love to myself. In fact, I have to sit down and receive love. Receive love from me and everyone who tried to send it to me all my life and I just rejected. Even sitting here now – I’m filled with tears of mixed emotions. Scared because this old mechanism of being selfish always tries to override and I feel guilty. Overwhelmed because I haven’t allowed myself to feel the energy of love for so long and it’s raw to feel.
I realized in meditation why the serpent left my solar plexus. For years, if someone hurt my ego, I would fight back like a snake. The snake had protected me against selfishness. It was attacking anyone who sent me love. It was to make sure I wouldn’t be selfish. The snake’s departure was a sign that I’m ready to let love in. I am ready to allow people to love me. I am ready to receive. That the purpose of serpents is no longer necessary. Even though it felt like nothing significant happened last night as it left my soul…it was huge!
I am now on the path of learning the art of receiving. During meditation I felt my first bit of energy hitting my soul. Someone important to me recently told me they love me, and although I heard it mentally, I energetically and emotionally ignored it – because I didn’t want to be selfish. This morning, I allowed this energy to enter my aura and my heart. I burst into tears again… I felt loved for the first time… As I breathe deeply and tap through my tear filled eyes, I feel blessed. I’m so grateful to have had this breakthrough because I imagine a lot of people go through life and never let love in.
What a journey. And it’s only 9:47 a.m. What does the rest of the day, week, year, and eternity hold in store for us? Either way, I’m happy to allow myself to be loved. Receive and be happy to receive. Have the new motto “It is selfless to receive”. Because the more love I feel, the more the universe will feel it through me. And the more I feel loved, the more I can come back and know that they too will allow themselves to receive my love. If we can build on this, this world will become an amazing place.
Love and feel the love!
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