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Does the Work of Grief Ever Really End?

Do you wonder if the pain will ever end, if the emptiness will ever leave? Will life have meaning again? You may not think it now, but the answer to all three questions is an unqualified yes. And there are millions of people who can testify to this fact.

But that does not mean that you will become yourself again. Nor does it imply that you will somehow be totally free from the anxiety of your experience of loss. There is a constellation of variables that determine the intensity and duration of grief. They range from the type of death, number of secondary losses, and degree of emotional investment in the deceased to your coping behaviors, health, social support system, and expectations, to name a few. .

What do we know about the duration and intensity of the work of mourning, of this process that we must follow

to the end to adapt to all the changes imposed by the death of a loved one? Here’s what will help you arrive at your own answer to this question.

1. Intense feelings certainly diminish over time. It will be obvious. However, setting a time limit on their duration is to ignore an indisputable fact about grief: it is a very individual process. So this great pain and emptiness can last for days or weeks, depending on your individual variables.

2. You will also feel what can be interpreted as the end of your grief, or at least the feeling that you are doing quite well, only to find yourself suddenly pushed back to where you were a few weeks ago. This can be a very disheartening, albeit normal, event. An event may take place where your loved one would normally have been with you, and their absence brings you to a sudden wake-up call.

What is often called “the year of firsts” can include any number of these episodes. It’s okay to feel anxiety, anger, or a host of other emotions when this happens. This is not only normal, it is to be expected.

3. It’s also entirely possible that years later, when you’ve adjusted to the physical absence of your loved one, a wedding, birth, graduation, or birthday will bring you back to sadness or need. to cry and express your emotions. Don’t hold those feelings back. They are the common result of memories and are part of life.

4. As said before, grieving is a coping process or, as many believe, a healing process. This healing can last for years with stops and starts that bring new awareness and a new outlook on life. In fact, there are a number of people who believe healing never ends. (I’ve heard some say that once you mourn, you mourn forever.)

Perhaps we begin our attempts at healing with our first major loss. Then, with subsequent losses, we must continue the healing process, learning as we go. Perhaps adapting to change – or healing – is an ongoing or eternal process. If so, we don’t need to make it an object of anxiety and give it unnecessary power to keep us from enjoying life.

So, does the work of mourning ever stop? The answer, of course, depends on your individual beliefs and interpretations. For some, the work of grieving ostensibly ends at some point. For others, it is about being revisited through mourning. Whatever your belief, you can be sure that each of us has the inherent ability to deal with our losses. And, with a little help from our friends, get through those early days of confusion and change.

Where it goes from there is up to our choices.

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