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Why Good Girls Like Bad Boys
Almost every woman falls in love with a bad boy at some point in her dating life. From gangstas to thugs, OGs to Macs in training, they all have one thing in common – they play the game of love by their own rules, and if you break the rules, you end up with a broken heart. What is a bad boy? He is a villain, flamboyant and rebellious for no reason. Or he could be the nice guy next door who is smooth as silk but deep down he is cold-hearted. Bad boys are the types your mother warns you about, but since they have a criminal appeal, you throw common sense out the window and throw caution to the wind.
You have to keep in mind when dealing with a bad boy that most of them see women as conquests – something to be captured and conquered. And when the tension is over, so is the relationship. While many of you know this, some of you are chasing a rogue love in hopes of changing him. You end up feeling hurt and betrayed. And you know when you have a man who isn’t acting right because you’re probably quick to tell your girlfriends what to do as soon as their boyfriends start acting up. But sometimes it’s easier to tell others what to do than to do what you know is right.
I know firsthand what it’s like to be conquered by a bad boy, because until I learned how to make healthier relationship choices, I was a die-hard bad boy addict. I wouldn’t even look at a man unless he was a roughneck with a bad attitude.
But years of emotional rollercoaster rides, baby mama drama, and playing dumb made me wake up and smell a malfunction. As a result, I developed some common sense strategies that helped me break my bad boy habits. I share them in the spirit of sisterhood in the hope that they will help you too.
Why do girls like bad boys?
If you ask most women why they like bad boys, they’ll say the challenge, the thrill, or the thrill of surrogate life. But what starts out as an exciting fast-paced adventure often turns into an emotionally draining melodrama. Bad boys deliver a double dose of pain and pleasure. When they’re bad, they’re absolutely terrible, but when they’re good, they make you feel like you’ve just hit the lottery. Here are the top reasons why women like bad boys.
A secret fear of intimacy
If you’re attracted to men who you really can’t have because they don’t want a real relationship or are involved with someone else – maybe you have a secret fear of intimacy. The reason you might find a bad boy so attractive is because you can be with him without ever letting him get too close. As long as he stays away, he can never get close enough to hurt you.
A subconscious desire to bring dad back home
As you already know, the relationship you had with your father shapes your relationship with other men. If you grew up without a father, or if he wasn’t emotionally available, you may end up dealing with men who act just like your father. Although you risk getting hurt when you’re with a bad boy. You might hope that if you stick around long enough, he’ll eventually give you the love you didn’t get at home.
When you feel good about yourself, you set high standards in all areas of your life – including your romantic relationships. If you are in a relationship with a man who lies, cheats, talks you down, or treats you in any way, regardless of what you want others to believe, you will not feel good about yourself. When you value who you are, you treat yourself with great respect and demand that others do the same. Know that you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect.
If you’ve ever watched an episode of Jerry Springer or the latest music videos, you can see how the media portrays the bad boy image as every girl’s dream. Popular television and music videos try to make you believe that it is acceptable for men to disrespect women and then reduce them to sex objects. Think of Jay Z’s “Big Pimpin'” video or Lox’s “Need a Ride or Die Chick” video and you can see how the media pushes the bad boy image as the ideal. You don’t have to buy everything the media feeds you. You can decide for yourself what is attractive and acceptable. There is no good reason to stay in a relationship with a man who does not appreciate or respect you.
Copyright © 2000 Cassandra Mack
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