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Is "The Hottest Mom in America" a Better Mother Than You?
I recently received spam asking me to audition for a new TV show called “The Hottest Mom in America”. At first I thought it was kinda funny. I imagined a woman trying to put on liquid eyeliner while her two-year-old tugged on her elbow with her hands covered in maple syrup. I imagined her entering to find her 5 year old using her newly ironed dress as a cape and finding her shoes missing completely, stolen by her 7 year old to create obstacles for her monster truck rally.
But when I realized what the show would probably be like, I got a little grumpy. I could almost hear the well-toned women with sparkling white teeth and perfect hair telling the world that they don’t understand why people think it’s so hard to have children and keep turning heads at the pitch. of game.
Now, in addition to keeping my 15 month old safe, happy, well rested, entertained and relatively clean, am I supposed to be “hot”?!? After smoking around the house for a while, my little guy woke up from his nap and somewhere making him breakfast, building castles with Legos, walking around, playing “spy on the squirrel” and chasing him in the garden I forgot to worry about being hot.
That night I started thinking about why the email had bothered me so much and realized it played a part in something that had long frustrated me about the maternity. As mothers, no matter how amazing the job we do, we always think we should be doing something better. It’s not enough to see our children grow up happy and well-adjusted, a little voice in the back of our heads tells us that the house should be cleaner and that we really shouldn’t let the kids watch Sesame Street so much. This tells us that now is the time to learn a second language and what about music lessons?!. While we’re at it, said the little voice, I can’t believe you let them eat anything that isn’t organic. What kind of mother are you?!
I think it’s time to bail ourselves out. Despite silly shows like “The Hottest Mom in America,” motherhood isn’t a competition. At the end of the day, no one is going to give you a bouquet of roses and a tiara because you manage to get your child to 47 activities a week and still hit the gym once in a while.
The measure of our success as mothers is not the beauty of our jeans, the whiteness of our teeth, or the flawlessness of our skin. It’s not even if the kids ate ice cream for breakfast and spent the morning watching TV because we needed a break.
So how do we know? What is the true measure of our maternal ability? I’m saying what makes us great moms isn’t the big stuff; our child will eventually go full circle at Harvard, play pro football, or become the youngest CEO in CEO history. No, I think the true measure of a mom is the things we take for granted, the things we do every day. Like taking a deep breath instead of freaking out when you find out your little one has thrown nail polish on the carpet. Getting up in the middle of the night again and again with sleepless kids and ending up getting up in the morning. It’s making three different lunches for three different kids because they can’t all agree on PB&J, Top Ramen, or mac and cheese.
Let’s stop beating ourselves up for not being good enough and start congratulating ourselves on the amazing moms that we are. And that little voice in the back of your head that likes to whisper that you could do better? Ignore it. Instead, listen to the little voice whispering in your ear, “I love you, Mom. It comes from a much better judge.
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