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Licence to Procreate

Let’s start by considering why certain activities are considered to need permission. How is it possible that the authorities of this world feel it necessary for you to get a license before you can drive a car (yes, I get it) but you also need a license to own a TV – surely that’s just an excuse to get money from you, why does someone have to give you permission to own a TV? When it comes to dog licensing – it’s a minefield of contradictions, with an alarming number of countries having different ideas about what is important to owning a dog. And let’s not get started on the controversy and validity of marriage licenses around the world. All areas have their own issues but my question is if time and thought has gone into issuing these permits why has no authority ever considered the long term benefits to all involved if people have to have a permit before they start breeding. Shouldn’t governments require their taxpayers/benefit claimants to earn a reproductive license by first considering and demonstrating whether they are ready or even fit to be parents?

I am the perfect case study. I am embarrassed to admit that I have spent more time considering the menu options and the shoe rack at the local Indian restaurant than the time I gave to the decision to procreate. I barely considered some of the big questions about what parenting really means and how it will affect you for the rest of your life – yes, not just the next 20 years of actively parenting, but the long-term effects it will have on your body, mind, and state. I consider myself practical, logical, and reasonably intelligent, so I can only think that my rational thinking is being messed with by a hormonal bug. I also consider myself a reasonably popular person with a wide and somewhat eclectic circle of friends – so why didn’t any of them see fit to ask me if I had really thought about this? Ask any of them now about having two kids and invariably they’re amazed – I was always very open about my lack of interest in continuing my lineage. These are intelligent people, some very opinionated, who always voice, invited or otherwise, their opinions on matters that concern them or not. So why didn’t anyone come up, look me in the eye and ask “are you sure”, “could this decision be based on hormones and not your normal preferences”?

When I was pregnant, I studied the whole process of baby growth. Yes. I read every book that deals with pregnancy, birth and those early weeks and months. I read the facts. I read the humorous, “way out, away with the fairies.” I was fully aware of how to “whisper to my baby”, how to impose military discipline on this entity that would not even be ready to walk but would apparently follow my pre-planned routine. I even read ahead how to tame a toddler in “Terrible Twos” and set rules in “Tiresome Threes” preparations… Interesting that no one has used alliteration for “four”… but I digress. .

So, I researched almost every aspect of this pregnancy and early parenthood thing – I read books, subscribed to newsletters, became an active member of websites and forums. In all of this thorough investigative research, I find it absolutely shocking that at no point did I come across a wealth of information to consider before actually starting parenting – real, honest “are you sure you want to do this” information. Where there was a Cosmo-style quiz asking if you’re really ready to give up (yes, give up, because it’s NEVER going to be the same) about your body image, your mental health, your confidence. Are you really mentally prepared to deal with the constant feeling of guilt and self-righteousness? It seems the media attention is only skimming the surface of what this decision will lead to – sleepless nights, strain on your finances. Why don’t they take the subject as a whole – everything in your mind and body will change permanently with this decision.

Perhaps there is an untapped market out there, online courses to complete in at least nine months that will challenge your thinking and lead you to your honest decision. For example:

Module 1 – Pregnancy months

Included topics:

How to continue working at your current job while feeling dead and yet not telling anyone you’re “empty” until you’re in your first trimester

Forced designated driver status for nine months, including how to cope with bullying behavior from friends and family

Learn to remain polite and converse with complete strangers who believe it’s acceptable to question your choice of footwear or diet while physically touching your stomach

Module 2 – loss of human dignity

Included topics:

Screaming babies will make you expose a lot more unsightly flesh in public than you ever thought possible on a Mediterranean beach vacation

Assessing the level of baby vomit on your clothes, which actually requires a change of outfit

Module 3 – Acceptance

Included topics:

You will not be able to use the bathroom without an escort or interrogation for at least the next six years of your life

You can’t have a conversation with childless adults without feeling like you have nothing interesting to contribute to the conversation

Losing your confidence

Your relationship is suffering – move on

Module 4 – The path to becoming an individual

Included topics:

Justify the time you need to spend to find what you want to do with your life

You are more than a parent, you also have a personality

Apparently, I haven’t really touched the surface here. I know I’m not alone in this thought, so why do I seem to be alone in telling the world that maybe not everyone should be a parent. It should be socially acceptable that you can choose to stay in your current life and accept that reproduction may not bring the joy that the marketing people predict with their images of happy, barefoot families in jeans and white t-shirts running around together. .

My self-imposed mission is to bring more honesty to the public arena. If you’re a parent, it should be your responsibility to tell someone the truth before they make a hormonally skewed life-changing decision. The truth is, not everyone enjoys parenting, and there are people out there who wish someone had slapped them in the face with a bucket of truths. It’s not a bad career choice, it’s your life. If the Dogs Trust campaign “a dog is for life, not just for Christmas” worked, the sanity and identity of thousands of fertile people could surely be saved.

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