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Why Some People Never Learn to Trust Others

Have you ever wondered why some people can’t seem to trust anyone? Maybe you’re married to someone who, despite all your positive encouraging efforts, still has trouble trusting you. Maybe you have a friend who is automatically suspicious of everyone he comes into contact with, including supposedly safe categories of people such as the police or a pastor. Or maybe you have a child who is suspicious of everything you say. Regardless of any positive outcome, they remain firm in distrust.

There are some concepts that psychology does very well and others that it fails tragically, but the one that has stood the test of time is Erik Erikson’s Eight Stages of Psychosocial Development. The first stage from birth to eighteen months is trust versus distrust and it is the fundamental stage on which all future problems are based. If a person learns to trust others for food, nurture, comfort, and security during this time, then it will be easier for them to trust others in the future. But if they don’t learn to trust, then the foundation has been laid for a life of distrust.

Psychology. Simply put, Erikson concluded that all babies, by their very nature, need to trust someone to care for them because they are unable to care for themselves from birth to ten. -eight months. During these fundamental years, a baby must rely on crying to communicate all of its needs: food, comfort, pain, care, and safety. It is the responsibility of the caretaker (hopefully the parent) to meet these needs with love. If the infant fails to meet his needs, he learns not to trust his caretaker to meet his basic needs.

The Child. A child who learns to trust the guardian to meet the most basic needs is now able to trust him even more to meet his wants and desires. On the other hand, a child who learns to distrust the caregiver fails to develop additional trust and subsequently has difficulty bonding with the caregiver. him. There is an unnatural distance between the caregiver and the child as neither engages with the other, it is a distance that only grows as the child grows . But a child who has learned to trust will naturally run to the sitter whenever there are problems and the bond between the two is undeniable.

The Adult. As a confident adult, the evidence of trust will be visible in many relationships, but most evident in a marital relationship. However, if the adult as a child only attaches to the parent of the same sex, he may find it difficult to trust someone of the opposite sex, the same is true in reverse. More evident is the adult who never learned to trust anyone in childhood, now struggles to trust friends, family, co-workers, spouse, children, and especially the spouse’s family.

The treatment. Just because someone grew up in an environment where they were taught not to trust anyone doesn’t mean it has to be permanent. This means it will be a struggle or even an ongoing battle, but it can be overcome with hard work, time and energy. Learning to trust God is one of the best ways to overcome mistrust and while it may seem counterintuitive, it works. In some ways, it’s easier to trust God than humans because he’s not human but supernatural, so the old wiring that says people can’t be trusted doesn’t go away. not apply. God also provides a safe environment free from criticism or rejection. But for some, it’s a difficult concept to grasp because every fiber of their being tells them that if they can’t trust a caregiver, how can they trust God? Instead, it becomes too big or a scary leap of faith. For others who take the leap of faith and trust in God, their trust slowly spreads to others over time and evidence has been gained that some people can be trusted.

The next time you meet someone who has trouble trusting others, spend some energy understanding their point of view and try to see life from their point of view. You will frequently find trauma in the early years between birth and eighteen months that justify their position. So don’t give up on them, trust them first and be a light to those trying to find their way in a sea of ​​mistrust.

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