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Depression, Suicide, Aging, and EQ
There are so many myths about aging. For example, do you think, as many people think, that “all old people look the same” and that no one changes after the age of about 50?
Nothing could be further from the truth. Freud’s famous statement that people couldn’t change after age 50 is simply not true. At the time he formulated his theories, most people did not live beyond 50, and that of course shaped his opinions. He may not have seen many people over 50.
In fact, this limited exposure to the elderly continues to confound our understanding. Many of the available psychological assessments were not standardized on enough people over the age of 60 to make them reliable for people in this age group. It’s all about developmental stages and you wouldn’t expect “normal” to mean the same for a 75 year old as it does for a 42+ year old as it does for a 6 year old and a 12 year old .
Elders are not alike as individuals or as a group. Surveys show that the most “satisfied” people are those aged 60-69, but at the same time the highest suicide rates of all age groups occur among people aged 65 and over. . 81% of senior suicides are men and Anglo men are particularly vulnerable. White men over 65 have the highest suicide rate, second only to white teenagers. Suicide rates are higher among divorced or widowed people, and the cause is attributed first to physical ailments, then to depression.
The percentage of elderly people in the population has increased steadily, from 3% in 1900 to about 12% today. It is expected to increase to 21% over the next 30 years. Since most emotional issues are often presented to a primary care physician first, such as physical issues (headaches, back pain), medical schools are quick to add exposure to medical geriatrics and psychology in the training of doctors. Psychology licensing boards are also beginning to require it.
It is important to understand that depression manifests itself in different ways. We usually think of the “lethargic” depressed person, the one who moves and thinks slowly, cannot maintain eye contact, speaks negatively, is disinterested or unable to enjoy usual pleasures, and wants to sleep all the time. But depressed people can also be restless, angry, restless, irritable, with their eyes glued everywhere, frantically trying to enjoy things (but not being able to), and unable to get much sleep.
Either way, women can talk about their feelings, but men tend to complain about physical ailments when they see a doctor.
It is important to understand that depression is not a “normal” part of aging and can be treated. If you think you or your loved one are depressed, it’s a good idea to start with a physical exam. You should make a list of all the medications you take and keep track of your normal routine. Many seniors, especially those who live alone, neglect nutrition and exercise.
As I say in my ebook, “EQ and Depression,” you’re not supposed to get depressed as you get older. You are supposed to feel good. Many seniors have high EQ, are resilient, and are experienced coopers. EQ intends to increase with age, but not if you don’t work on it. Skills such as flexibility, creativity, and resilience can be learned, and it is beneficial to start developing these in early adulthood, as they take time to learn. Unless you have physical problems, you can learn to manage your emotions and the thoughts that accompany and provoke them.
We know that isolation is worse for our health than high blood pressure and obesity combined, and not being isolated depends on your people skills – your ability to make new friends and keep old ones.
Creativity is needed to learn how to work around changing things. It tends to take longer, for example, to learn new things as we get older, but many older people are adept at “many ways to skin a cat.” Likewise, there are ways to make short-term memory loss less troublesome. Short-term memory loss is one of the things that comes with aging, but older people’s vast experience of adaptation gives them a vast supply of tricks out of the bag to help them remember.
As one of my senior coaching clients told me, “My short-term memory is at about 10%, but since it was way above average, I’m fine. Now I just write things down. , as I’ve seen others do for years.”
The ability to face challenges creatively depends on an optimistic attitude, which can also be learned. I coach people in optimism and emotional intelligence skills all the time! If you want to and are willing to, you can learn to change the beliefs that are limiting you, once you realize they are not working for you. It depends on getting the information correct (like it’s not “normal” to be depressed at any age, including old age), then becoming aware of your emotions and self-talk, and changing them.
Depression generally responds best to a regimen of exercise, good nutrition including nutraceuticals, medications, and cognitive work. Coaching can help you move forward, set goals, and stay accountable to them.
We also know that resilient seniors are lifelong learners. Although we no longer make brain cells as adults, we can continue to form new connections throughout life IF we learn new things; the more radical, the better. This means that if you are an engineer, take a literature course. If you are a Spanish teacher, study physics. If you’re a left-brained mathematician, take an EQ course and develop the other side of your brain. As someone said, “Fall in love with learning and you’ll never be heartbroken.”
Intentionality is a high level emotional intelligence skill. Why not intend to be one of those resilient, content seniors who age gracefully? Think about your well-being now, regardless of your age, and don’t neglect EQ skills. The time has come to develop them.
Our emotions directly affect our immune system, which is our health. They also affect our ability to get along and have fun with others and with ourselves. Men may especially want to address the issue of EQ. I know from statistics and from my coaching practice that a man living alone at the age of 60 or older is in a vulnerable position, and although there are more men at that age than women, smart women will hold out healthy and smart EQ men to bless with health-promoting marital status.
Start now. It’s never too late to learn!
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#Depression #Suicide #Aging