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Dr. Romance on How to Stretch Time
Dr. Romance writes:
Do you want to extend time – to extend the time you have and use it instead for what you really want to do? Extending time is not difficult if the prerequisites are present: self-awareness, purposefulness, thoughtful action and a playful attitude.
As with any successful life skill, procrastination works better when you know yourself well. If you are clear about your priorities – for example, where do work, relationship, family and fun fall on the list of “What’s most important”? Are you spending most of your time on what is most important?
You will be more efficient and less stressed if you learn to take charge of your personal and family time. Families need to sit down and decide what activities are really worth doing and what are just ‘rat races’. It is very important to learn to avoid “time-wasting” (such as unnecessary e-mails, TV, or people talking too much on the phone) because certain people and activities can absorb a lot of time and are not worth it. Becoming “time conscious” is the best way to achieve balance.
If you are a parent, you also need time off. This is achieved by allowing children over the age of seven to spend occasional nights at friends’ homes and reciprocate. This allows both parents to be alone, to go out, to relax. “Family networks” where multiple families (related or not) share time, drive, babysit, etc. can really increase the number of vacations each family enjoys.
The key is to balance work/play, self/others, give/receive, and leisure/financial security. The key to avoiding burnout is finding a balance between work and the rest of your life. You are much better at this if you are aware of yourself, think about your options, manage your personal and work time, and learn to be flexible.
As you become more aware of your priorities, you can also discover a sense of purpose. Or maybe you already know what your sense of purpose is. Whichever way you go about it (and I’ve provided instructions in The Real 13-Step and It Ends With You if you need more info), knowing what you want to do with your life can save you an incredible amount of time. Knowing your goal takes a lot of decision making up front—a process where you decide which steps will get you closer to your goal and which won’t, saving you time wasted on experimentation, messing around, and uncertainty.
Learning to be patient and calm increases time and relieves stress. Cultivating patience is actually learning impulse control: Learn how to do “emotional maintenance” and shake off stress; How to stop when something comes in. It’s a self-control problem. To learn patience, you need to stop the urge to quit, change your thinking/attitude, call a friend for encouragement. People who need to learn patience don’t know how to tell they’re impulsive or how to stop. They often have a sense of entitlement (“I just didn’t want to wait,” she said with some pride) and lack emotional maturity. In fact, they are like emotional three-year-olds in adult bodies. To learn the patience and determination to achieve your long-term goals, practice the little things first and learn how to decide what is worth exercising patience with and what is not.
For example, there are situations and people you need to work a little harder to understand what they mean, don’t take what they say, or use a little more patience around them because their personality or style is quite different. yours.
Maybe you’ve run into people who test your patience at work, with friends or family. Sometimes it’s hard to deal with people because they remind us of people we’ve had problems with in the past, so we’re attracted and frustrated at the same time. Others may find it difficult for many people around them. Problems with a familiar type of person may not arise until you are no longer attached and involved as a friend or partner.
The following exercise will help you step back and see others as a source of information about yourself, look at people from a different perspective, and use the people who upset you as the internal dynamics behind your struggles.
Letting go of the little things:
1: Perspective — put them in perspective — will it matter in an hour — fifteen minutes? Most won’t.
2. Self-awareness: If someone or something upsets you, don’t make the problem worse by taking it up on yourself to react. Reactions are normal – it’s what you do with them that matters.
3: Stand up: If someone scared you (a driver who cut you off), say a little thank you for being alive, bless the other driver (who probably needs it) and you’ll feel better.
4. Benefit of the doubt: If someone has hurt your feelings, admit that your feelings have been hurt, then consider that the other person is probably being clumsy rather than being hurtful on purpose. The world is full of emotional people who don’t realize the impact of their words and actions and cause more problems for themselves than for you.
5. Consider the source: A really nasty neighbor or companion can repeatedly hurt your feelings. Think about what’s going on in that person’s head and be thankful you can’t hear it. Even the meanest people are much uglier with themselves than with others. This person is trying to ease their pain by inflicting some on you.
Acting deliberately rather than impulsively means your actions are efficient and therefore save more time.
Since time is precious, learn to budget like you budget your money. In counseling my clients, I have found that following a “time diet” can work wonders. Be careful with “time sinks” – TV, computers, email, etc. and phone conversations with people who talk a lot aimlessly. Learn to say no to non-essential time wasters, so you can spend more time on the things that matter to you. The key is balance and knowing how to prioritize, collaborate and schedule so that everything has its place. Individuals and couples must prioritize, collaborate, and manage their time so that everything has its place. Becoming “time conscious” is the best way to achieve balance. The key to avoiding burnout is finding a balance between work and the rest of your life. You can do this much better if you are aware of yourself, think about your options, manage your personal and work time, and learn to be flexible.
Sometimes duplicate tools and supplies save time – for example, if you have scissors, makeup, nail files, etc. I have them in several places around the house so they are where you need them, when you need them, or if you travel a lot like I do, so that your travel kit is always available with the items you need and keeps it just for travel. I have a separate “kit” for several activities: one for the gym, one for the pool, one for my music lessons, one for the church choir. When I get home from a trip or workout, I stock up so it’s ready for the next occasion. For example, when I come home from the pool, I take out the wet towels, put the dry ones in – and I’m already going next time.
A playful approach may not exactly stretch the time, but it makes you feel that the time spent is worth it. One way to enjoy the time you have and feel more fulfilled is to remember that life isn’t all about seriousness—we all need to have fun in order to truly feel that life is worth living. Yes, it’s fun. You remember the fun! Enjoyment, humor, leisure activities, and silliness are ways to recharge, re-energize, restore hope and positivity, and connect with others.
Fun is not about spending money or going overboard. It does not depend on a specific environment, partner or activity, and it does not need to take a lot of time. Fun is an internal process. You can have fun sitting still and thinking about interesting or enjoyable things, or you can work in the garden, pet the cat, have a quiet conversation with a friend, or play cards with a few people. Singing, dancing, playing sports and drawing are fun pastimes for some people. If you’re like me, it’s fun to play with your brain. Having fun also creates a deep inner connection. Through play, we reconnect with our heart, our childish self and the intuitive, spontaneous part of our psyche.
For many people today (no doubt in part due to the images of joy in the media), the definition of fun has become distorted. Some ideas of fun are related to overindulgence, such as having a drink or two or doing “extreme” sports. Some people think that in order to have fun, they have to spend a lot of money on travel or dining. Others believe that to have fun you need to be around the “right people”. The saddest people are those who rely on others to “create” their entertainment.
Most of us think of entertaining as special occasions, which require a bit of advance planning. We have entire industries to help us play, it seems like a new theme park opens every week. But if you look back on your most joyful life experiences, it’s more likely that they were spontaneous and simple, rather than complicated and expensive. Play is recreation—an activity that “recreates” us, makes us see life differently, and refreshes us with change.
You don’t have to separate play and fun from anything else you do. A light-hearted approach to serious matters is often the most fruitful. Try laughing – get yourself a desk calendar with a new cartoon every day, share a joke in your email, tell a co-worker that your child said something cute (or listen to their story), or talk about the funny scene in in the latest hit movie — it lowers your blood pressure, calms your heart rate and generally helps you get rid of a lot of stress.
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