How Much Water Should My 1 Year Old Baby Drink How You Can Pamper Millennials at Work (and Why You Should)

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How You Can Pamper Millennials at Work (and Why You Should)

I think the term “millennials” is overused, but it’s the easiest way to refer to a whole group of people I want to bash. Think of those born between 1980 and the mid-90s. This will be quite specific. (Disclaimer: I am also a member of this generation).

Anyway, millennials suck. For many reasons, but none more so than their attitude. I think we make a lot of our “trophy culture” where everyone makes a fuss just because we dressed up and participated, but we rarely examine how this kind of thinking actually affects our daily lives (besides the increased incidence of whining).

*This statement strictly excludes young people who are serving in the military. They are braver and better than all of us.

Trophy culture provides breeding rights. We expect praise after achieving nothing; we went to college with our parents’ money, then we graduated in anticipation of a well-paying job, even though most of our undergraduate education didn’t prepare us for anything. We now expect promotions after a certain amount of time, regardless of our performance or actual skills. We compare ourselves to others and assume that we are treated unfairly if someone moves faster than us.

Millennials are such babies.

Millennials are innovative, highly intelligent, and on track to become the most educated generation in human history. They are necessary. So instead of just brushing off their whiny unwillingness to get tough, I’m going to show you how to treat them like I do with my one-year-old son, Colin.

1. Recognition

“Notice me!” screams a generation. After a few hundred years of individualistic indoctrination, America has produced a horde of remarkable monsters. In more Gemeinschaft (Wikipedia is the word – it’s a good one and literally the only thing I remember from Social Psych) societies like China, community comes first. Children are encouraged to integrate into the group and contribute quietly. In the United States of America, we applaud the kid burping the alphabet while we tap dance and spin in circles.

Colin, my first born son, has a basic level of intelligence because he is still a baby. He is still testing the arms of the world and exploring new ways to influence his environment. One measure of the success of a new action is the positive attention it receives while doing it. Say “balloon” when pointing at the balloon and you’ll hear mom and dad lose their shit; throw your puffs on the floor to watch the dog eat and you’ll probably get a cold shoulder.

An integral part of this process is reinforcing your good tricks by recognizing them each time. He’s starting to expect positive things every time he says he’s a balloon – because we’re good parents and because we’re patient, we recognize his accomplishments over and over again. Exhausting.

Switch to the millennial workforce. If you’ve ever worked with a member of this group, you’ll see the point right away. Millennials are trained to thrive in their careers by being recognized and then consistently expected. They need their shareable moments, address changes, and email shoutouts to feel important. And even if it’s annoying, it’s not that hard to accept. Set the bar high for performance, but don’t forget to celebrate victories, big and small. Nothing is better for engagement. Millennials need to feel valued in their careers; so show them what they’re like.

2. Theory of relativity

To be fair, the next point can be extrapolated to any person, but it’s still important. We judge ourselves based on what other people have. We overvalue our own contributions and undervalue those of others, which makes us frustrated when someone else succeeds (“there’s no way they deserve it”).

Colin has a mommy and me playgroup where he can interact with lots of other babies. They play with blocks, read books, and since we’re in Brooklyn, they draw with organic, edible crayons. It’s funny to see Colin’s interest in a toy wax diminish depending on who’s holding it. Let a stuffed dog sit right next to you, ignoring it until Lucas crawls over and shows some interest. Then the plush dog is FIRE, bro. That’s all he wants. Sometimes parents have to step in and say, “Hey, kid, that’s the logical reason why you can’t play with this right now.”

Employers should do the same – make ranking and movement as transparent as possible so that people can see an objective reason for the reward. Bitterness fades when you have a basis for objective reasoning and employees begin to model the things they reward.

3. Retention

Millennials change careers four times by age 32, which means they’re slippery little things. Most of the time, they leave because they are bored.

I try to read a few books to Colin every day. Sometimes he doesn’t want to pay attention; rather, he pulls the dog’s ears and pours water on his back. I have to make things very interesting to get him to stay. This means funny sounds, movement, underwear on my head; anything to tie you down with.

Same with millennials. Start a rotation program to keep your mind occupied. It allows your employees to experience multiple departments and processes; they’ll be smarter about it, and the change will provide a much-needed mental stabilizer.

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