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Leather Furniture Care – Stupid Is What Stupid Does

As an expert in leather repair and restoration, I get e-mails with photos from people all over the country and abroad. Sometimes they look for solutions to rather stupid actions that have caused serious damage to their leather furniture. I have 30 years of experience inspecting leather furniture either on-site or in a leather restoration studio, and I have also seen abuses first-hand and heard comments that show that idiocy is a random human phenomenon. Here’s a list of my top ten dumbest in no particular order because anyone can take the top spot. Names are being removed to protect their reputation.

1. I used a leather ottoman as an ironing board. The leather is completely shriveled and twisted. Can you help me?

2. I saw an article on the Internet about using bleach to clean leather. It didn’t work out so great. I think the leather is clean, but it breaks me out. What can I do?

3. I steam cleaned my leather sofa with the upholstery attachment on my steam cleaner. The skin darkened and appeared shriveled. Please help!!

4. I practiced my golf swing and made a hole in the back of my beautiful leather couch. It was a 6-iron. Is this something you can fix?

5. I had a party and moved my love seat to my backyard. I had it too close to the grill. The whole back of my love seat was browning. What can I do?

6. My 3-year-old son got ink on a new leather pillow. After I had severely disciplined him, I tried to remove the ink with rubbing alcohol, as one website said. The ink is still there, but the color of the leather is gone. (A customer brought a pillow to my shop. In this case, the leather had a scar and, as often happens, the scar tissue absorbed more of the dye, making it darker than the surrounding leather, showing the customer ink marks. We returned the color to the alcohol-affected area. The innocent child is still in therapy.)

7. After arriving at the customer’s home to inspect a huge new cross-section of leather for alleged defects, I noticed a few dozen post-it notes scattered here and there on the leather. The client used them to show all the “errors”. When examining the first problem area, I pointed out that it was not a defect, but a natural property of the leather. He looked confused. So I explained that the cow may have rubbed against the barbed wire causing the wound and that it was a fully healed scar and not a defect. He said; “What do you mean cow?” I waved my hand towards the stall and replied, “Ma’am you have a whole herd of cows here.” At that point, she fell to the floor sobbing, “What have I done? What have I done?” Turns out he’s a vegan and didn’t know the leather came from a cow. Opppps

8. I was asked to repair shipping damage at a customer’s home and arrived with my senior technician. The client is a well-known doctor and was there when he arrived. She and her designer went to another part of her house to discuss the interior design. When the task was accomplished, I invited him in, and as he examined the repaired area, he exclaimed in astonishment, “It’s gone. How did you do it?” I said lightly, “We use lasers.” He called his designer to look at the repair. When he arrived, she told him, “Look, the damage is gone. They’re using lasers to fix it.” I had to explain to the vet that I was joking.

9. We carefully restored a beautiful chair and ottoman in our Hayward store, the customer arrived in a pickup truck to bring the pieces back to their home. He inspected the furniture and was pleased with the results. To prepare it for shipping, we covered it with plastic and shrink wrap as per our normal practice. The customer and I loaded it into the back of his pickup and I asked if he had a rope to secure it. He assured me so. At that point my office phone rang. I turned back to my office to take the call. The customer left immediately. Traveling over the San Mateo Bridge at about 70 miles per hour, the unprotected furniture pretended to be a kite and lifted silently out of the bed of the truck, flapping through the air like a wounded duck. Gravity took over. It turned and turned and shattered and fell. The road kills. 45 minutes later he returned to our shop with a severely damaged piece, including a broken frame. The repair costs exceeded the value of the piece. It remains in my shop as a relic and a testament to the weakness of the human brain.

10. The customer owns a car dealership. His client has a leather-trimmed BMW. The car salesman assigned the task of cleaning the interior to one of his grease monkey technicians. Thinking it would be a quick and easy way to clean the leather, he grabbed his trusty engine degreaser and applied it heavily to all the leather components. Of course it pulled off the colored fur to reveal the raw hide. (As an aside, here’s a list of other chemicals that supposed experts told our customers were fine for cleaning their leather—mayonnaise, acetone, milk, honey, baby oil, all kinds of detergents, saddle soap.)

Bonus Award: A customer called to say he cleaned his couch with 409. After finishing the project, he realized that the 409 is far too aggressive and badly distorted the paintwork. He was upset and prepared to sue the manufacturer of the 409. His reason for the suit was that there was no warning on the label No use it on the skin. When I pointed out to him that there was no warning to use it on your face either, he didn’t connect. When asked why he didn’t stop after completing the part and noticed the damage, he explained that he believed that once it was completely dry, it would return to normal. huh!

The moral here is to think before you act, and if in doubt, consult a qualified leather restoration professional for advice.

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