How Old Is Mike From Stranger Things In Season 1 How to Deal with Grief Triggers Long After the Death of a Loved One

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How to Deal with Grief Triggers Long After the Death of a Loved One

Have you been having a good day many months after the death of a loved one and when you watch TV, see a certain scene or hear a statement, and suddenly feel the sadness and anxiety return? Or has a newspaper story about a stranger’s death triggered sad memories associated with the death of a loved one?

These and many other seemingly unrelated experiences are usually the cause of great sadness that can last for several days. Kim Wencl, whose daughter died in a tragic house fire while studying, had the following experience.

“The bridge collapse in Minneapolis triggered me. It really had nothing to do with my loss (although when my daughter attended the University of M, we traveled there quite often, and many of her college friends still live nearby. But as soon as I heard about it and started watching the news, I felt almost physically sick and panicking, having difficulty breathing and experiencing an immediate and overwhelming feeling of extreme sadness. Despite all these feelings, I couldn’t bring myself to stop watching the broadcast – although after a couple of hours I realized it was triggering my own feelings of sadness – which hadn’t bubbled up in almost a year. If you don’t know what the trigger is, (and I don’t think most grieving people do), it’s even more distressing because it comes naturally, very quickly, and you don’t understand why it’s happening.”

Here’s what you need to know when something you see, hear, smell or experience brings back a sense of loss.

1. The experience is normal and common. There’s nothing wrong with you. You did not cause the event. It’s part of the way we store memories. Sometimes it is the result of unresolved traumatic scars – highly emotional events that sink into our psyche and body – and may require professional help. Both happy and less happy memories have their triggers. The mind’s role in healing is very powerful and at times extremely limiting. But grief triggers are to be expected. This is how memory works.

2. To help ease the impact of sudden grief, tell yourself that what you’re experiencing is normal, normal, normal. Say it to yourself: reinforcing this belief will expand your ability to continue healing. Deal with it by expressing your feelings and finding support people who understand the phenomena and the need for listening skills. Unfortunately, you may have to train some of them during this difficult time. Nevertheless, full disclosure of what goes on inside can be very useful. Don’t hide your feelings. You are not weak to share your plight.

3. Remember that these mourning periods, like all grief reactions, have a physical component. You may get a headache, indigestion, feel sick or unable to sleep. Thoughts are always transferred to our cells with corresponding physical manifestations. From a modern neurochemistry perspective, this of course also means that happy and peaceful thoughts can have very positive effects on your physiology, especially your immune system.

4. Allow the experience to unfold and the pain of your heart to move through and out of you. This is how Kim expressed it.

“As far as what helped me deal with that grief-triggering experience, I think the biggest thing was just knowing that what I was going through was a grief-trigger. Once I realized that, I knew that if I acknowledged everything I felt and just felt it. instead of ignoring it or pretending it wasn’t happening, the symptoms would go away, which they did within a day or two.”

The key words for this observation are: acknowledge all.

Finally, I can’t stress enough how individual grief triggers can be. The intensity, extent, and frequency of these events vary enormously between individuals. Depending on the circumstances of your loved one’s death, your emotional investment in the person and the inner connections that arise from your experience – the trigger of grief can be a complete surprise and therefore alarming.

Either way, accepting the experience and not resisting it is the best way to disarm and limit the unnecessary suffering associated with the grief response to this loss. Transitioning requires you to shift your thought process away from focusing on “why me?” “What can I learn from this opportunity?”

Accepting grief triggers as normal—especially when they come months or years after your loved one’s death—is a manageable and ongoing part of the healing process. We are always improving because we are always dealing with change. And we bring our previous experiences of defeat with us to every new challenge. You can meet this challenge.

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