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Did You Ever Disagree With a Sibling Who Had Administrator Rights?

While I was working as a contractor in another country, my sisters were our mother’s care administrators at home. First my middle sister was in charge and later my younger sister became her home care administrator at the end of mom’s life. I realize that I had been interfering with my mother’s care for almost nine years. When I finally returned home, I saw my mother more and my younger sister continued to be the administrator. He seemed to be doing a good job, so I didn’t disagree with his decisions regarding my mother. There is a lot of paperwork involved, including bills and taxes, etc. I only got involved when I found out that Mom’s insurance company was going to drop her policy because she is now over 90 years old. Insurance companies never want to pay. When I looked into her payment history, I found that Mom had been making monthly payments consistently for almost 15 years. The insurance company had made thousands of money from a mother with only one leg, and now they canceled her policy and only gave her back about two hundred dollars. I immediately wrote letters and made many phone calls and eventually recovered a significant portion of the money he paid. I had literally shamed them into giving back some of the money. This money helped pay for his funeral expenses when it was time for him to leave.

I didn’t realize he would get sick soon after I got home from Iraq? My mother contracted pneumonia in a nursing home from another nursing home patient who had the disease. This other woman, who had pneumonia, was allowed to walk freely from her room to the nursing home cafeteria. He sat next to my mom at the table and got this disease that mom didn’t need to get. Why wasn’t this other woman fed in her room separately from the other patients? Do these things happen in other care facilities? I think the nursing home should know better. It was just wrong.

Then my mother was allowed to stay in her room at the nursing home for almost three days with the illness before being transferred to a small hospital nearby. Once at the hospital, my sister informed me and told me to come to the hospital because my mother was dying. How can anyone die of pneumonia? Today there are medicines. I couldn’t understand what happened at that point. When I arrived at the hospital, I was shocked that my mother had no feeding tubes or medical machines connected. I didn’t understand why this was and I got angry with my sister who was the legal guardian of my mother’s care.

Why didn’t the mother get proper treatment? My sister told me that mom had signed papers saying she didn’t want any machine to keep her alive. He signed this paper with my sister’s consent in front of some social worker. I immediately went to the hospital reception with my son and we demanded that the hospital put in feeding tubes and give my mother proper medicine. They refused to help me because my sister was an admin and they just listened to her. I told them that I was his only son and I wanted a service. All my sisters, who are supposed to be religious, said they would go along with my younger sister, and that was my mother’s wish.

The head nurse told me to calm down or they would call the police. I wonder if this is America and how elderly patients are treated these days. My mother was 93 years old and only had one leg but she was in good health with a strong heart and lungs and it didn’t seem right that she had to die because of hospital policy and three sisters who didn’t care what I thought and stubbornly followed the admin’s wishes. Mom never wanted to die. I knew it. The hospital just needed to cure my mother of pneumonia. I wonder if hospitals don’t try to save 90 year old patients. It seemed very wrong to me. I considered getting a judge’s order to remove my sister’s administrative rights, but I knew there was no time left. My sisters and their daughter stayed in Mom’s hospital room and literally watched her starve to death and then suffer miserably. I was very shocked by their actions and attitudes. My sisters acted like they cared. After my mother’s horrible death, I haven’t spoken to them in almost two years. Do any of you have similar stories to share about a sibling who had administrative privileges that went against what you thought was right?

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