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How To Stop Worrying And Start Living By Dale Carnegie
In the early days, Dale Carnegie (November 24, 1888 – November 1, 1955) earned his living by teaching adult classes at night schools in New York City. He realized that one of the biggest problems these adults had was worry. He wrote his book by reading what philosophers of all ages have said about worry. He also read hundreds of biographies, from Confucius to Churchill. According to him, we will not find anything new in his book, but we will find a lot that is not usually applied to our daily life.
Carnegie wrote his book in eight parts. Let’s go through them all, and for the purpose of this article, I’ll share one story from each section.
PART I: The basics you need to know about anxiety
For this story, it was subtitled “Live in the Tight Box of the Day”. Just live every day until you go to bed.
It was about a housewife in Michigan who had lost her husband to an illness. He was very depressed and almost penniless. He then wrote to his former employer and got his job back by selling World Books to rural and urban school boards. He thought that getting back on the road would help ease his depression; but driving alone and eating alone was almost more than he could bear. He found that the schools were bad and the roads were bad. It seemed that success was impossible.
Then one day he read an article that lifted his spirits and gave him the courage to continue living. There was an inspirational phrase that said, “Every day is a new life for the wise”. He wrote it and stuck it on the windshield of his car, where he could see it every minute while driving. From then on he said to himself, “Today is a new life”.
He had managed to overcome his fear of loneliness and his fear of lack. He was happy and quite successful then, and had a lot of enthusiasm and love for life. He knew then that he could live one day at a time.
PART II: Basic techniques in concern analysis
This was about an insurance man. When he started selling insurance, he was full of boundless enthusiasm and love for his work. Then something happened. He became so depressed that he despised his job and thought of giving it up. Then one Saturday morning he sat down and tried to get to the bottom of his worries. He began to ask himself the following questions:
What was the problem?
He didn’t get a high enough return for the amazing calls he made.
What was the cause of the problem?
He was quite successful in selling the prospect until it came time to make the sale decision. Then the customer said, “Well, I’ll think about it again, sir. Come and see me again.” Time wasted on these follow-up calls that caused her depression.
What were all the possible solutions?
He looked at his record book for the past twelve months and studied the numbers carefully. He made an amazing discovery! He found that 70% of his sales were closed in the first interview! Another 23% of his sales were closed in the second interview. And another 7% were closed in those third, fourth, fifth, etc. interviews. He came to the conclusion that he was wasting fully half of his workday on a part of his business that accounted for only seven percent of his sales!
What was the best solution?
He made a quick decision to immediately stop all visits after the second interview and used the extra time to build new opportunities.
PART III: How to Stop Worrying Before It Breaks You
This part of the book asked us to use the law of averages to challenge our concerns.
One summer the couple went on a camping trip to Touquin Valley in the Canadian Rockies, about seven thousand feet above sea level. One night a storm threatened to tear their tent to shreds. The outer tent shook and shook and screamed and screamed in the wind. The wife was terrified and expected every minute to see her tent torn apart and thrown through the sky.
However, her husband kept saying, “Look, honey, we’re traveling with the Brewsters’ guides. They know what they’re doing. They’ve been pitching tents in these mountains for sixty years. This tent has been here for many seasons. It hasn’t blown up yet, and by the law of averages it won’t blow away.” tonight, and even if it blows, we can take shelter in another tent. So relax… “The wife did; and he slept soundly for the balance of the night.
We should ask ourselves, “What are the probabilities, according to the law of averages, that the particular event we are concerned about will ever occur?”
PART IV: Ways to Develop a Mental Attitude That Brings You Peace and Happiness
We must understand this important rule: Instead of worrying about ingratitude, wait for it.
A Texas businessman felt resentful of his 34 employees who didn’t say “Thank you” to him after receiving bonuses of about $300 each at Christmas.
According to Carnegie, instead of wallowing in resentment and self-pity, the man could have asked himself why he didn’t get any appreciation. Maybe he underpaid and overworked his workers. Maybe they didn’t see the Christmas bonus as a gift but as something they deserved. Perhaps he was so critical and unapproachable that no one dared or cared to thank him. Maybe they felt he was giving a bonus because most of the winnings went to taxes anyway.
On the other hand, maybe the employees were selfish, mean and ill-mannered. It could be this or it could be that. According to Carnegie, this man made the human and painful mistake of expecting gratitude. He just didn’t know human nature.
PART V: The Perfect Way to Beat Worry
Carnegie wrote in his book that one day, when his father was returning from Maryville, where a banker had threatened to foreclose, he stopped his horse at the bridge over the river, got out of the wagon and stood looking out into the water for a long time, wondering to himself whether he should jump in and end it all.
Years later, Carnegie Sr. told her that the only reason she didn’t jump was because of her mother’s deep, abiding, joyful faith that if we loved God and kept His commandments, everything would be fine. Mom was right. Everything went well in the end. Father lived forty-two happy years longer and died in 1941 at the age of eighty-nine.
PART VI: How to avoid worrying about criticism
A national sensation in educational circles was created by an incident in 1929. Learned men and women from all over America flocked to Chicago to witness the incident. A few years earlier, a young man named Robert Hutchins had worked his way through Yale as a waiter, lumberjack, tutor, and clothesline salesman. Now, just eight years later, he was inaugurated as president of the fourth richest university in America, the University of Chicago. He was only thirty years old. Unbelievable! Criticism rose this “boy wonder” like an avalanche. Even newspapers joined the attack.
On the day he was inaugurated, a friend said to Robert Maynard Hutchins’ father: “I was shocked this morning to read the newspaper editorial condemning your son”.
“Yes,” answered the elder Hutchins, “it was serious, but we must remember that one never kicks a dead dog.”
Yes, and the more important the dog is, the more satisfaction people get from kicking him.
Carnegie added that when you are kicked or criticized, remember that it is often done because it gives the kicker a sense of importance. It often means that you are achieving something and are worthy of attention. Many people take a savage satisfaction in judging those who are better educated or more successful.
PART VII: 6 Ways to Prevent Fatigue and Worry and Keep Your Energy and Spirit High
Dale Carnegie listed the following six ways in his book:
Rest before you tire; Learn to relax in your work; Learn to relax at home; Follow good work habits (clear your desk of all papers except those related to the immediate problem at hand; do things in order of importance; when faced with a problem, solve it then and there if you have the necessary facts to make decisions and learn to organize, delegate and control); Prevent worry and fatigue, increase enthusiasm for your work; and remember no one has ever been killed by lack of sleep. Worrying about insomnia does the damage – not the insomnia itself. If you can’t sleep, get up and work or read until you feel sleepy.
PART VIII: “How I Overcame Worry”
In this last part of the book, Carnegie wrote down 31 true stories. In this review I would choose one story titled “I Lived in Allah’s Garden”. It was about an English gentleman from a rich family in Britain. After leaving the British Army at the beginning of the 20th century, he went to North West Africa and lived with the Arabs in the Sahara, the Garden of Allah.
He lived there for seven years, learned to speak the language of the nomads, wore their clothes, ate their food and adopted their way of life, which has changed little over the past centuries. He also did a detailed study of the religion, Islam, and in fact he later wrote a book about the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, called “The Messenger of Satan.”
He found that the nomads take life so calmly and never rush or get unnecessarily emotional when things go wrong. They know that what is ordained is ordained; and none but Allah can change anything. However, that does not mean that in the face of disaster they sit back and do nothing. This is described below.
One day there was a fierce, scorching sirocco storm in the Sahara. It howled and screamed for three days and nights. It was so strong, so fierce, that it blew sand from the Sahara hundreds of kilometers across the Mediterranean and scattered it in the Rhone Valley in France. But the Arabs did not complain. They shrugged their shoulders and said, “Mektoub!” which means “It is written.”
But as soon as the storm ended, they took action, slaughtered all the lambs, knowing they would die anyway. After the lambs were slaughtered, the flocks were driven south to the water. This was all done calmly, without concern, complaint or sorrow for their losses. The tribal chief said, “It was not bad. We may have lost everything. But thank Allah, we have forty percent of our sheep left to make a new start”.
Several years after leaving the Sahara, he still continues the happy submission to the inevitable that he had learned from the Arabs. This philosophy has done more to calm his nerves than a thousand tranquilizers.
I believe in fighting worries in our daily life with the principle “Worry less about what others think, say and do”.
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