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Rekindle Your Marriage (Little Steps Make a Big Impact)
Ready Rekindle your marriage but clueless what to do? Between jobs, mortgage payments and kids – it can suck the life out of you. What usually suffers is the relationship between husband and wife. Sometimes you literally have nothing left to give each other at the end of the day.
This is especially sad because without the two of you meeting in the beginning, this life wouldn’t even exist! Don’t be discouraged because you are not alone. Like many other couples, you are in this together – and you will get through this together.
I know a couple who waited years to get married before having children. The first child was lucky for them. Another found them very tired, but still happy with their little family. A few years of parenthood had taken such a toll on their marriage that a possible divorce seemed bleak.
Now this was no ordinary couple. They were basically known in their circle of friends as a couple. You know, that gooey cute couple who spend all their time together and can’t keep their hands off each other – the ones that make everyone else sick to their stomachs. Yes, those people. I am happy to say that the good Therapist did wonders for them and they are now back on track.
The lesson is this: life will get in the way of your marriage if you let it.
If you want to revive your marriage, you need to have a plan.
You cannot go back in time and change everything that happens today. You can’t make a mortgage disappear or have children unborn. However, you can be proactive rather than reactive. This means you need to plan ahead to get time and attention from your spouse. I know this doesn’t sound romantic and spontaneous, but it gives you the opportunity to create time for those things.
So here’s a list of things to get you started on the right track:
1. Set aside 20 minutes every day
I know this doesn’t sound like much, but if you think about it, chances are that’s more quality time than you spend together now. The goal here is to go for quality instead of quantity. Set aside 20 minutes each day without distractions where you can really talk about your day and figure things out. This could be when you first walk in the door, or possibly after the kids go to bed, but make sure it’s the same time EVERY day. This will solidify this practice in your life as a habit you are more likely to continue over time.
During this time, you must turn off the TV, computer, phones, etc. Have a cup of coffee or a glass of wine and really enjoy the time together. Guys, if this sounds cheesy to some of you, consider the alternative of spending nights alone in a cold bed. That should help you get motivated.
2. Have regular date nights
All couples need a date night from time to time. You might be thinking, “But we go out all the time,” but are you making it a real date? Do you get everything right and focus all your attention on each other? Turn off the phones (or at least turn them off if your kids are with a babysitter)? Even childless couples need this. You can’t rekindle your marriage if you never spend romantic time together.
If you show your complete devotion to your children by never leaving them on a date, you are doing them a huge disservice. They are happy when you are happy as a couple. It makes them feel safe. If your marriage is struggling, they can always feel it. So if you want them to be happy, you need to work towards a happy marriage by spending quality time with your spouse. If you neglect your marriage, you will either live in a miserable situation or get divorced. Neither of these is a good option for your kids.
If you can’t afford a babysitter and the family doesn’t have help, swap time with another couple who has kids. Your kids will love it because they get a built-in playdate out of it.
Whether you have kids or not, you should schedule a date night at least once a month (twice is even better). Be sure to write it in your calendar or put it in your planner so you don’t let it slip.
3. Get the kids on a schedule
This cannot be emphasized enough. Children suck the life out of us because they create more work for us. They don’t pull their weight in the household. If you think about past generations, kids always had more chores and were more disciplined than kids today.
So here’s where to start. If your children don’t have an established bedtime ritual, create one now. They need to do the same things every night to get their mindset ready for bed. Then put them to bed at the same time every night. Here’s the twist in the plan for some people. Many couples I know have children who sleep in their bed with them. This is so bad for your marriage that I can’t even begin to explain all the reasons why. I understand that it’s easier to let the kids sleep with you when you’re tired, but you’ll get more rest in the long run if you take the time to deal with this issue now.
Buy them new bedding with a bribe if needed. Redecorate their entire room. Establish a reward system. Do whatever works for your child.
In addition, every child needs age-appropriate chores. The chart can be helpful for both you and your child in the pace of progress. You can reward them when it’s full. Make sure they get all their stuff before bed EVERY night. This not only makes your life easier, but also creates good lifelong habits for your child.
Basically, if you’re dead tired at the end of each day and you kids are still bouncing off the walls with energy, you’re doing something wrong. You have to tap into some of their energy.
These three things will rekindle your marriage if you implement them into your daily life. If your marriage is struggling and you need immediate help with a step-by-step plan, click here.
Visit our website (address below in the author box) to learn about the 3 types of relationship relationships.
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