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DE-FUNKING YOUR LIFE – How Can I Feel Happy, Energetic and Inspired by Life Again?
Hey, some days we all wake up and “deal with the Funk”… whether it’s self-imposed funk or accidental funk, we get the funk, and that funk is so… so… something… funky. ..
So, “what are we going to do”
Funk is funk…
Funk means heart attack. Yes, that’s right, a heart attack. It is either the real heart, the love heart or the spiritual heart.
So when you have a funk, it’s a heart attack, and if we ignore that or try to get out of that funk without taking a break, we’re going to get that funk into real trouble.
Instead of snapping out of our funk, we have to let it.
The funk doesn’t last. The funk lasts maybe a day, sometimes a week. This week we need to mend a broken heart and therefore change some shit.
Let’s take a look… what to do when we surrender to da funk…
1. Check for a physical funk heart attack.
Today, in Chinese medicine, all organs lead to the heart. So even if your anus hurts, it has something to do with your heart. So, when the funk is here, it’s a heart attack. Now we know that our heart is being attacked from the physical side, we must lead it back to the source.
It’s not tomato sauce, it’s the root source, and it can be kidneys, liver, lungs, arteries, prostate, ovaries (if female) and more. So the heart attack causes the funk, but the attack comes from far away places.
I once had a heart attack that passed out for six months. I did more yoga and went to the doctors and they x-rayed my testicles until I lit them up in the dark, but they still did more tests. Once they put electrodes on my fingers and sent shocks through my body and asked, “Does it hurt?” They were supposed to work at Guantanamo Bay.
Despite the many tests and the new Lamborghini that the specialist got from all my bills, the funk did not go away. But one day I bent down to pick up a coin and I got a pain in my body like I was giving birth to an incredible block.. and I don’t have a vagina.. so I was taken to the hospital. and a Maasai warrior had a kidney stone the size of an engagement ring on his earlobe. It messed with my kidneys for six months and now I decided to let it out into the world.
Passing the stone down the urethra was like trying to suck a contestant on The Biggest Loser through a straw on a smoothie… or worse, trying to drink a McDonalds Thick Shake through a straw…
After a week of taking a few pills that made the world look pretty good, even my ex, then they sonic blasted that meteor-sized rock into tiny pieces that I was asked to collect in a strainer every time I peed for the next two weeks. . Well, it wasn’t hard to know when to reach for the filter, in fact my neighbors could have with the screaming and yelling I went through as the pieces of coral ran down Freddie and out of my body…
Suffice it to say, a few months later, the funk was gone.
Funk is a heart attack, and you know more than one funky day a week is a heart attack. You just don’t know the source… If you’re a guy over 50, get your cholesterol checked, send a sub to check your heart isn’t blocked, then have a nice doctor send a finger where fingers normally go no. suitable for prostate check… then if they don’t find something, look elsewhere, blood test etc.
They could have detected my kidney stone, but I backed away too quickly.
Once you’ve had your whole body and whole body MRI, go to step 2.
Step 2: Check Love Funk Heart Attack
But funk is also depression. Depression is a bad word because it’s kind of “stereotypical”… “hey, you have depression” is like “you have the plague – stay away, wear a mask.”
So Let’s Call Depression “Love Funk”
This funk is not common in women. Mainly because most women are emotionally honest (especially man haters)… and there are many.. but that’s another topic.
For guys, “Love Funk” can come months and months after a love funk moment. Like a breakup, or some bad news like, “Hey, did you know your wife rocked your neighbor?”… A lot of men aren’t in touch with their feelings, so even though they go through the shock of the Love Funk incident, there’s a delayed reaction like the aftershock of an earthquake that can take months or years to surface.
I remember breaking up with a partner before I was enlightened… (just kidding). I was hurt, but I didn’t know it. I carried on like nothing happened and then I got Funk…Love Funk…about 2 years later.
I went to the doctor, described my symptoms, and he suggested that I need psychological counseling. (which is still true) but other than that, I had Love Funk about a past relationship I had, even though I was happy in the new one. It seems I wasn’t that honest with myself and as my dad used to say, “harden up and be strong” So, here I was with Love Funk.
I didn’t take the pills, I took some herbs… St. John’s warts… What is the worst brand name for an anti depressant I have ever heard. Who is St John and why would your warts be better than mine… Anyway, I put this stuff on and started to work through my attachments, hurts, guilt (I had a lot of them) and anger about the whole old relationship. Damn, it’s such a waste of time, but I had Funk and I couldn’t live in Love Funk for long.
Step 3: Check for Spiritual Funk Heart Attack
Spiritual Funk has hit the wall more times than it cares to admit.
A spiritual funk means I’ve lost hope in my dreams for the future.
When I was 17 I wanted to be an AFL football star, I trained every morning, every night, slept with my feet by my side, had pictures on my wall and loved playing football. Then in one match I was jumping to reach for the stars to mark the mark and landed on my bent ankle. He tore the ligaments from the bone. Back then everything was plastered, even snakebites, so I ended up with just a taped ankle that couldn’t handle anything rougher than a bowling green. I sprained my ankle more than a hundred times in the following years, including in Nepal on walks in the Himalayas. It took five years of yoga to become reliable again. Suffice it to say, my football career is over.
I got Spiritual Funks and went to the doctor…he said, “You’re depressed,” but I was a hero, a laughing, funny guy. I don’t have depression. But he was right, when my dreams of being a sports hero were shattered, so was I. I got Spiritual Funk.
Years later, after my marriage imploded and my three children sailed around the world to, as my ex-wife put it, “be as far away from you as possible.” I got Spiritual Funks again… This time so I went to jump on top of a cliff.. I didn’t want any more funks… I didn’t jump – obviously.
Many, many, many people… that I meet talk about Spiritual Funk… You can tell a Spiritual Funk person feels old to be around, has no twinkle in their eye, and is obsessed with other people’s opinions.
Spiritual Funk is bad funk… and we use four substitutes to deal with it:
Food, booze and drugs… We can escape the Funk by shoveling food on it, dousing it with drink or blowing our brains out. So obesity, drug addiction, alcohol addiction, diabetes, high blood pressure and colon problems and more can be directly linked to Spiritual Funk… Lost dreams, lost hopes and clinging to the past.
Greed… The poorest man I ever met was the richest. A billionaire who was afraid of losing it. Greed is not measured in material wealth or frugal spending, but in competitiveness, tension, stress and fear.
Sexuality… If all else fails, bonk. This is the mass consciousness that has saved the planet from extinction for thousands of years. Most of the sex on the planet happens because there’s nothing better to do… and luckily it happens, or we’d run out of iMacs to buy. Clothing, fashion, restaurants, resorts, and more all run on Spiritual Funk for significant core business. When the lights go out at the end of the tunnel, people light matches, it’s called sexuality. The matchlight in front of your face makes the light at the end of the tunnel invisible anyway… Great metaphor…
Spirituality… My friend married a guy. I feel sorry for him. He meditates for 4 hours a day and believes that something great will happen as a result. But really, the spark is gone, and his hiding place is being legitimized, cross-legged on the floor, eyes closed, in the manless land…
My friend works at Spiritual Funk and has been there for 20 years. He’s also gained weight in the last five, so, now spirituality doesn’t block out the world enough, he eats… my god, he eats enough to feed a third world country… Then there’s a colon… e.g. part of his spiritual cleansing… His two sons recently became teenagers and are under clinical supervision for depression… remember my quote from Jung… “nothing affects a child more than an unlived life parent?”
Ok, so there are three sources of FUNK…all of which affect the heart.
There is Physical Funk, which originates in the body but eventually attacks the heart. This is the first place we should look if we have The Funk because your body is Nature’s Bible…it’s saying something and it’s worth listening to.
There’s Love Funk… Emotional stuff that has gone underground and eats up your energy… like repressed anger turns into depression. Guilt, shame, blame, victimhood, anger, jealousy are the root causes of Love Funk.
There is Spiritual Funk. Spiritual funk is really ugly. And 90% of the world lives in this Funk. It’s dark, it’s desperate, and it makes people act, breathe, eat, sleep, wander, and pray in certain fanatical and strange ways. You can’t fight Spiritual Funk… if you have it because a dream is shattered, it’s time to reinvent yourself. Beating your head against a brick wall and feeling sorry for yourself may have an effect, but that’s not what nature intended, and it certainly doesn’t lead to a FUNK-FREE LIFE.
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