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The Taming of the Screws
Betsy McClellan wanted to get married. At 28, she has already dated some promising candidates. But they all fell out of favor. She was a demanding, angry woman, as all her former flames reveal. Maybe too demanding and angry. She threw toys and furniture at all her boyfriends. Everyone quickly left their apartment, cursing the day they met him.
One day, Betsy logged on to her computer to retrieve her e-mails. As he looked at each title, one stuck out…Young Love Dating Service – The partner of your dreams is here! He clicked on it and read the announcement, promising, “Everyone will meet the right partner.”
He called the number at the bottom of the page. A young man answered her call. He told her there was a meeting the next night at six at the local Marriott restaurant downtown. The format would be a fifteen-minute sit-down interview between each man and woman.
At four o’clock the next day, Betsy showered and changed into her red evening gown. After that, she used a conservative amount of makeup and perfume. He left for the restaurant around five and got there before six twenty.
Betsy drove into the basement of the restaurant and parked in a convenient spot near the elevator. As she got out of her car, she noticed other single men and women walking towards the elevator. Everyone was dressed nicely, which indicated to him that they were probably going to the same meeting. He boarded them and took the short elevator ride up to the first floor.
When the elevator doors opened, he followed the group into the room on the right. He saw several other rooms, but decided to follow the group into a room where a large sign outside read, “Welcome. Young Love dating service. As soon as he entered, an older gentleman dressed in a black tuxedo greeted everyone at the door. He told everyone to take a number and put it on their chest.” Betsy picked up the number 7 and stuck it to her heart. She then sat down at a table with several women and men. A few minutes later, the older man said, “Welcome to the ” in Young Love Dating Service”. My name is Robert Dates. All ladies please sit at the tables on the right. And would all the men sit at the tables on the left? Thanks.”
Minutes later, the women and men were sitting on opposite sides of the room. Robert then announced, “I hope you’re all ready to meet your future spouses!” He grinned. “I’ve marked twenty cards with numbers from 1 to 20 on each. Not a single card repeats itself. This is how it goes. If one of you rolls a 3, you’ll find the lady with that number. You’ll talk for fifteen minutes to get to know each other and decide if she’s Is there someone we would like to go on a date with?Then you dial another number and find the lady with that number.
Over the next sixty minutes, Betsy encountered a mix of men who looked and acted “average” to her. They were semi-attractive. But most of them acted like pompous jerks, ready to sleep with him. Just as Betsy was beginning to give up hope, an extremely handsome man sat down at her table. His name was Steve Fusion. He was the president of a robotics company. He also graduated from Harvard at the top of his class in mechanical engineering.
After the fifteen minutes were up, Betsy and Steve were still talking. They wanted to talk for a long time, but according to the rules, they had to go to the next person. Betsy wrote down her cell phone number to Steve, who said he would call her. After Steve left, Betsy met other men, but she got really bored because she was already smitten with Steve. After the meeting, Betsy went home and reflected on the evening’s meeting. She wasn’t that impressed with the other men she met. She thought about Steve and hoped he would call him soon.
The next evening, his phone rang. He picked it up and said, “Hi.”
“Betsy? That’s Steve.”
Betsy’s heart was pounding. He said he enjoyed talking to her the night before. He told her the same thing. He asked if he would like to meet at “Antonio’s”, a fine restaurant. He tried not to look too excited, but he chirped, “Yes!”
“What about tomorrow night?” asked.
“Around 7 in the evening?”
“This sounds good
“I… I… I’ll meet you there.”
He noticed the slight stutter. This was to be expected as he was probably nervous.
They met each other at exactly 7 o’clock the next evening. Steve greeted her with a kiss on the cheek. After holding the door for her, she handed her a bouquet of red roses. A waiter greeted them.
“A table for two,” Steve said
“Here’s a table, sir,” asked the waiter.
As they walked over and sat down, they were given a menu. They looked at the menus for a few minutes until Steve said, “What looks good… good… good?
There was that stutter again. Maybe I’m just nervous Betsy thought.
“I need a minute,” he said.
“Take your… your… time,” stammered Steve.
Betsy looked at him curiously.” So, what do you do at your robotics company
“We…we…build robotic systems for the government…t…t…t.”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t help but notice your tick. You stutter.
“Yeah..yeah..sorry… perils of the business… s..s.”
The waiter came over and asked what drinks they would like?
“I’ll drink some Bordeaux if I have it.”
– Yes I have it. To you sir?
“Some water, please.”
When the waiter left, Steve pulled out a long black power cord and plugged it into an outlet. He pulled part of the shirt out and snapped it to his side. Betsy’s mouth dropped open and her eyes stared in disbelief. He thought it was a joke… a bad joke!
“What are you doing?”
“Ouch! That hurts my.y..yy..plutoniummmmm ear canals.”
She threw the glass of wine in his face. “What kind of weirdo are you?”
“You shouldn’t have thrown..nn..n tha..t..tt aaaaaaaaaa..ttt me..”
The skin on his face melted away until he became a steely face – like the faces of the androids in the “Terminator” movies.
Betsy woke up screaming. He looked around.What a nightmare! She settled down while fluffing her pillow. Suddenly she heard a voice beside her saying, “I enjoyed dd.inn…uh…” Betsy jumped up to see Steve, only he was an android.
“M.mmmy skiiiinn I spilled just for you!”
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