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How to Be Kind to Yourself When Mourning
Have you forgotten your physical needs since the death of your loved one? Maybe you have lost interest in life. Are you afraid to focus your attention on anything other than the deceased because you think it means you are being disrespectful?
Forgetting ourselves and thinking that any form of pleasure during grief is wrong causes millions of mourners to suffer unnecessarily. There are beliefs that fuel and reinforce these behaviors due to a lack of information about the nature of the grieving process.
Grieving is hard mental and physical work; it affects all organs and systems of the body. The most important thing to understand is that what you think and how you perceive the death of a loved one causes serious stress. Early stress is ignored. As the days pass, the constant stress manifests itself in confusion, lack of sleep, colds, headaches and indigestion.
If you don’t take systematic breaks in your grief, the stress of grief will eventually push you to the sidelines. Here are some ways you can treat yourself, stay healthy, and minimize the chances of prolonging your grieving process.
1. Kindness to yourself starts with the intention to change your old beliefs that you can’t feel good all the time when you’re grieving. Your natural tendency will be to fight against changing these beliefs. But give yourself a break; you don’t betray your beloved. Schedule an appointment every day, or if you prefer, save yourself for self-care when you feel the need. Don’t deny yourself. What can you do?
2. Go to the private place. Choose a place in your home where you can be free from the noise of other people’s conversations and the ringing of the phone. Spending too much time with others during the day can limit the amount of time you need alone to reflect on certain aspects of death and grief without interruption.
Here, restoration through meditation, music, solitude, or rest compensates for the severe energy drain associated with grief (fear, anger, guilt, and depression consume enormous amounts of energy). If for whatever reason you can’t be alone early, ask a friend to be with you when you rest.
3. Be kind to yourself with the benefits of beauty. Go to a beautiful neighborhood near your home. When the opportunity arises and you see a beautiful picture, tree, body of water or scene, use it as a signal from a power greater than yourself to stop and enjoy it. Beauty is a powerful stress reliever and healer. Focus all your attention on it. Your body benefits greatly from this mental relaxation, and it’s perfectly fine to direct your attention in this way.
4. Immerse yourself in loving memories that include (or don’t include) your loved one at the right times – whatever you think is right. Think of the times when you felt loved. Review the details of the location, the people involved, what was said, and what information was or was received. Think about what you learned at that time and how you could pass on the insights you gained to others. Love helps you through great loss.
5. Be kind to yourself by postponing important decisions. Selling your home, car, or cutting yourself off from reminders of life with loved ones right away can add to your burden if it happens too soon. They can easily cause you more losses as time goes by and you look back on what you gave up. If possible, give yourself a year to consider big moves or decisions. Be sure to consult with friends, experts, and family members. Then make a decision based on what you want.
6. Take some time to read, not only by reading books by others who have dealt with loss, but also by authors such as Thomas Moore, Henri Nouwen, Wayne Dyer and others who can give you new ideas and help in your important search for meaning. . You may not be able to read anything at the beginning of your grief. However, as the weeks go by, ask friends, priests, and librarians for recommendations. You will be surprised at the abundance of substances that can help you heal.
7. Give a name to your sense of self and your grooming time, because it’s a big deal. This is part of a healthy adjustment to a significant loss. Call it “My Time” or “Be nice to me hour” (or 30 minutes). Find a catchy name and wait like you deserve.
Then make it a habit to walk to your favorite coffee shop, be it Mobile Station or Starbucks. Exercise itself can be very useful for releasing tension and anxiety. Greet the person behind the counter warmly. Human contact is essential.
In summary, starting a new routine like the one above or creating your own routine is a critical factor in resetting. Remember that starting small routines that bring you joy and connect with others is a big deal—part of your new life. The right and duty of self-care when doing your grieving work.
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