My 4 1 2 Year Old Is Out Of Control I’m So Mad, I’m Going to Explode!

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I’m So Mad, I’m Going to Explode!

Since becoming a mom over 4 years ago, I’ve slowly gone from “Average drama queen whose world revolves around her” to “Raveling crazy mom who yells too much and hyperventilates.”

I can see that my previous life, which was heavily absorbed in self-forgetfulness, was not the best precursor to “Mother Earth”, but I was not prepared to enter into the thought of possibly ending up in one of the “Parental Nightmare”. Reality shows are popping up everywhere. Yet here I am, writing about anger management, and speaking from painful (and not yet fully resolved) experience.

So, here are my thoughts on dealing with anger and the different ways to deal with the monster within…

1. Anger is just a symptom of a bigger problem, not the problem itself—and not what you’re upset about. So take it easy, and the next time you blow your top, try to step back and remember that there’s another issue that’s causing you to get fired up.

2. Being angry is a sign that something is wrong, or you feel taken advantage of, or you feel oppressed, or you feel out of control, or you are. But as a signal, this is a USEFUL thing, you don’t have to shy away from it. OK acknowledge the anger as a sign that something is brewing, just don’t go ahead with it and break the dishes.

3. When you see anger as the sign or symptom and not the enemy, you can begin to dig into the real root cause. This has great power. Instead of letting the anger take you away, you can stop and say, “hey, I’m angry, what about this?” I know it sounds lame – but it works!

Here is a classic example, sleep disorder. My kids don’t sleep – in fact, I can count on one hand how many full nights of uninterrupted sleep I’ve had in the past 4 years, and I’m sure many of you know that. When I’ve had particularly bad sleep, I wake up grumpy and know I’m going to have a bad day. And so it is.

Now, if I have any sense, I can warn myself and think: “Ah, you’re just being silly because you’re too tired. It’s not your fault and it’s not your children’s fault, it’s just that. And it will be better. tomorrow”. It’s amazing how well it works. YES, I’m still cranky and short on fuse, but that’s actually what I tell my kids (they’re only 4 and 2, but they get it) and even go so far as to say, “Sorry if I’m a little cranky and cranky today I’m just tired.” I’m sure some experts will tell me I’m doing a terrible thing, but I’m mapping out the real root cause of my anger – poor sleep – to myself and my kids, and I’m careful not to cause any harm. my relationship with my children as if it were their fault.

Understanding that anger is simply a wake-up call for something else has helped me tremendously, and it helps me diffuse it. Watch your children find great examples of this! Last week we went on a family holiday with another family with children – by the 3rd day all the children were screaming, fighting and hitting, total chaos! I separated the oldest and we went for a quiet time, while coloring I asked him to explain to me more about his aggressive feelings and why they arise. He simply said, “I’m too excited,” when I asked him what I should do to help him calm down, he said, “I want you to play with me alone.” I understood that he needed some quiet attention, he needed things to slow down, and he needed a quieter environment. When all his needs were met, he immediately calmed down and the fighting stopped.

When was the last time you really examined your own unmet needs? Whether it’s more sleep, more rest, slowing down, asking for help – your anger is a symptom that your needs are not being met somewhere. Instead of taking it out on the kids, your spouse, the pillow, why not say “thanks for the warning!” and rather satisfy your needs!

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