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Really? The Wacky World of Meeting Women on the Internet
I rejoined Match.com a few days ago. I’ve been to Match 4-5 times since the early 2000s. I joined again because they have the largest database of potential partners. Before I came back to Match, I had been on a few smaller “niche” dating sites, but they didn’t have enough members to be effective in what was essentially a numbers game.
At this point, I’ve only recently “dated” a person I met on a dating site. I was more interested in him than he was in me and we made friends, but he woke me up and opened me up slightly to realize how much I wanted a companion in my life. But since I can’t talk about the dating part of internet dating yet this time, this article will focus on meeting people. It also focuses on the male perspective, but I hope it will be useful for women as well.
The last time I was on Match my inbox literally exploded with over 90 replies to my profile in just a few days and it’s happening again as I write this. I don’t attribute this to being some fabulous guy (although I think I am!). I think the real reasons my inbox is exploding are twofold: one, as a professional writer and men’s and dating consultant, I write a really good profile, and I’d like to think that’s part of it, but I also think it’s because Fresh I am meat.
Fresh red meat. To quote the Eagles:There’s a new kid in townThe ladies are old, yes, but there is a huge market of divorced and widowed women over 60 looking for a partner.
You only need one. The right one.
Divorced, not divorced
I don’t jump right in when a previous relationship ends. I’ve been married twice and it’s my personal style to re-discover who I am as a single person before unfairly committing myself to a new potential partner. For this reason, it is somewhat shocking that some of the women who contact me are only divorced, their divorces have not yet been finalized.
I can’t help but wonder how anyone can move on to another relationship before their current one ends. It might be over, but it certainly wasn’t over, and it’s doubtful that such a person had a chance to fully recover. It’s just too fast. My experience shows that these are people who can’t stand being alone and always bring the problems of the previous relationship to the new relationship, creating a cycle of broken relationships. When one of these women contacts me, I politely decline the engagement as I am not interested in her dating someone who is still married. This is not a moral judgment. It is an insight based on knowledge of how things generally work. Not always, of course, but do you want to roll those dice?
The younger woman
I’m amazed at how many “likes” I get from women who are younger than both of my daughters. My first thought is always “what are you thinking?” Some will actually ask you out, but most won’t and are just flirting with their “likes”, probably “fishing” for an older man who will pick them up for any number of reasons, including support, being a sugar daddy, or just looking for fatherly approval. which they probably didn’t get from a male figure early in life.
Some of them may be turned off by the awkwardness of many younger men and seek some degree of non-threatening contact with men who are easily put at ease and manage their own inadequacy around mature women. There may be some younger women – and men – who actually benefit from May-December relationships, but here we go again, taking a gamble that has a reasonably slim chance of working out.
My own personal rule about age dating was that I probably wouldn’t even consider anyone at least 10 years older than my oldest daughter. This is becoming less of a problem as my oldest daughter turns 50 next year. I’m also into “age appropriate” dating, whatever that means to the individual, and it’s a personal choice.
You have a friend
Obviously, some of the weirdest emails I get are when someone claims to be writing to a friend. They start by saying that their account is about to expire, that they won’t be renewing, and that they have a very shy friend who would be perfect for me, and here’s the email address and a warning to be gentle with him. because it is really fragile.
This is wrong on many levels. First, it violates Match’s policy of not giving out email addresses on first contact. Second, there’s no denying that there are many fragile and broken people in the world, but (1) why would they accept an email from someone they don’t know if they’re so shy, and (2) why would I want to be in a relationship with someone so fragile and broken? ? Does my shadow love your shadow?
This is a scam and I wonder if they specifically target old people like me which makes me wonder…
The old man and aging
That would be me. I am not suggesting that I should or should date older men. I touched on how strange it is to be in this situation: I’ll be 73 later this month and I was pretty sure I’d be happily married for the rest of my life. I never thought I’d be in a position where I’m not only writing this article, but I’m on Match.com looking for a partner, hopefully the last great love of my life, and trying to figure out exactly what that means. . I mean 73! Definitely uncharted territory.
The first thing that comes to mind is that at 73 I seem to be at the upper end of the Match group for older men. Not the oldest, but definitely close enough not to matter. There’s good news and bad news: The good news is that there are plenty of 60-year-old men who look older than I do. The bad news is that I have a bad knee that can hopefully be replaced and that is my next step as alternative regenerative stem cell therapy has not worked for me despite the promises.
Earlier in this article I referred to the woman who woke me up and gave me the gift of knowing I could love again. I hoped it would work, so I joined a dating site. He’s 60 and was skeptical at first about dating a 72 year old, and I was in a position to pursue a “younger” woman. I used humor to charm him into meeting me and we both instantly liked each other and I am extremely grateful for his friendship.
One of the challenges here is that on the one hand, some young and old women say that age is relative, that age is just a number. They are correct. On the other hand, if another woman says that a certain age is too old – or a man says that a woman is too young – he is still right. Yes, both things can be true.
When I first visited a dating site a few months ago, I remember thinking, “So many of these women look like my aunt,” then one morning I went by my mirror and realized I looked like my uncle. Welcome to the consciousness of my own age.
It is interesting that regardless of age, the desire to love and be loved is very strong in us. I am grateful to my boyfriend for helping me wake up to the fact that I didn’t choose to be alone. I considered it… briefly.
However, while I’m looking, I’m going to build the best life I can and have fun. In the meantime, I’m in a relationship with _______ (insert the name of your dating site here) and I’ll eventually switch with someone I meet.
So thanks for reading. I hope some of these give you insight into your own relationship, existing or desired. Maybe you will be inspired to fix your existing relationship so that you don’t have to go through this in your life. If you’re single, maybe you’ll be inspired to open your heart to the possibility of love, regardless of age. Either way is the guarantee that you are still alive and vibrant.
I could go on, but you get the idea. I’m going to check if I got a new Match letter!
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