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Home Matters – Changing What’s Wrong
Are things not going as well as you would like in your life or at home? It’s a common problem, but where is the answer on how to fix it? Almost all of our problems start with us. Over the years, I have found a way to get to the root of problems and see ways to solve it. It all starts with you and your thinking. Follow the 6 steps discussed here and start making important changes in your life and family.
1. This is the hardest. Don’t believe everything you think right now, because you can change your thoughts. This is what really separates us from animals – the ability to think what we think.
Just because you think someone is, doesn’t make it true. If you think the world is flat, that doesn’t change the fact that it really is round. If I think someone is mad at me, that’s just a reflection of what I’m thinking and doesn’t really have any bearing on what the other person is really thinking. This brings to mind a group of teenagers who are bound by who thinks what and who said what to whom. “Sally thinks Jake told Ben he likes you.” All of this speculation in no way reflects Jake’s (or Sally’s or Ben’s) thoughts, only those of the speaker. So when you talk to yourself, be careful not to believe everything you think!
2. Ask yourself this question: “What is my struggle?” Try to write down on paper exactly what is bothering you. Write it objectively and precisely. “It’s not right at home” may be a pain in the stomach, but it doesn’t really define anything and leaves you confused. Make it specifically for you — “I’m bored.” “I do not have money.” “I’m tired of being sick and tired.”
3. Now ask yourself, “What brought me here?” Write down everything you can think of that brought you to this point in your life. This isn’t blaming, it’s an open, honest look at your life, your reactions, your assumptions. Other questions you can ask yourself to help with this part of the process are: “What am I hearing?” “What do I see?” and most importantly, “What am I telling myself?”
Pay special attention to the last question and take the time you need to complete this step honestly and objectively.
4. The next part will make you look for evidence or fruits of your thoughts. Here is the question – “What are the physical or tangible results or evidence of my thinking?” How have you seen your way of thinking play out in the real world. Be specific.
5. Now is the time to start looking for what you would like to happen in your world. Remember to also write the answer to this question. “How do I want to be?” Or “What do I want it to be different?” At this point, describe what you want in the most vivid detail. Use all your senses when describing your wishes. It is very important that you see this clearly.
If you start this step and something in your head says things like “It’s never going to happen.” “Don’t be a dreamer.” “This is pointless.” Go back to step number one. Your life absolutely CAN change, and it starts with your thoughts. It’s been proven by countless people over thousands of years, and just because you think it’s stupid doesn’t make it so! Continue! Fight the thought and start changing everything!
6. After all the work you’ve done in steps 1-5, it’s time to look for change. Here is the next vital question you need to ask yourself and write down the answers – “What thoughts and actions align with my new vision?” What are you willing to do to change yourself? These answers may take time and soul searching, but they are worth the effort.
Decide on 3-5 things you’ve written that you can start working on immediately. Write them down and get started! You won’t be perfect at first, that’s okay, it may take long months for real change to bear fruit, but change will come if you keep at it.
I would like to share with you my own experience with these stages and some of the life changes that have come about because I did exactly what I am telling you to do.
Three and a half years ago I was on my back with a back injury that was caused by being overweight, overworked and stressed. My husband and three kids set up a bed for me in the living room so I could be in the middle of things (and because I couldn’t get up the stairs because my back was so bad). I could barely walk. I had neglected my health to the point where I was 5’3″ 178 pounds weak. I wasn’t used to sitting and having to stay in bed almost drove me crazy. My sweet little four year old daughter had to go to a friend’s daycare for a week because I couldn’t care for her. Four days after this misery, I lay there, in pain, alone with my children, frustrated with all that was left undone, I began I had not yet defined all these steps, but when I look back, I see that I did exactly what I tell you to do.
1. Don’t believe everything you think – I have to take care of everyone and I don’t have time to take care of myself. Others deserve to be cared for, not me. I don’t need help.
2. What is my struggle? I hurt, I’m fat, I’m unhealthy, I can’t take care of my family.
3. How did I get here? I always have time to take care of everyone else, but never myself. I guess I don’t have time to worry about me and I can just go on like this. i eat junk I don’t exercise. I go to bed late and then I don’t sleep well.
4. What are the physical/tangible results? Here I am, nothing I can do. I can hardly take care of myself, let alone anyone else.
I felt bad seeing myself in this situation. Something happened inside me and I said out loud, “I’M NOT GOING TO LIVE THIS ANYMORE!” I must have been a little shocked when I heard it out loud. And I said it again, louder.
5. What do I want to be like? I closed my eyes and started to imagine running in the yard, playing with my children without pain. I pictured myself as thin, fit, running. I saw hiking, swimming – active. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted it. I began to feel hope again. I fell in love with the vision of what I wanted – the smell of being outside, the warmth of the sunshine, the fresh air.
6. What thoughts and actions align with my new vision? New, I would need physical therapy. I had to eat healthy food and smaller portions. When I could, I had to practice. I had to develop ways to gain willpower. I needed to rest more. I had to ask for help more often. I had to set aside some time to take care of myself.
I wrote everything down. I still couldn’t quite get out of bed, but I started telling myself, “I’m thin, healthy, and beautiful. I’ll take care of myself and I’m worth it.” (I still tell myself this 3½ years later.)
Next week I was able to start physical therapy. It was a long process, but within a few months I was able to enter the swimming pool. I became more active. I started tracking everything I ate and developed my own system for counting my food. I tried new foods. My whole family was ready to help. They helped me find time to practice every day. I lost 25 pounds and felt better than I had in years.
Then, a year and a half into my efforts, I faced a setback. I was tired of eating right. I was fed up with my amount of food. I lost motivation to continue it. I gained back 15 pounds and saw that the scale was going back to where it had been. I was down in the dumps and thought, “What’s the use?” Guess what I did? Same thing – I defined the problem, looked at how I had gotten to this place, looked at the results, renewed my visions and set new goals. I mixed things up a bit. I started a step aerobics class. I started running a little. I bought a pedometer (my secret weapon). I started using a different food counting system to get a break from the old one. I basically did everything I had done before, but revisited it based on my new circumstances. I lost 15 kilos. I had gained the weight back, plus 10 more, for a total of 35 pounds (with the previous loss). I have 16 pounds to go to get to where I want to be. My back doesn’t hurt at all anymore and last Saturday I spent the day diving with my daughter – something I would never have been able to do 3 years ago.
The stairs work! Change your thinking and outlook and change your life!
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