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The Search for Meaning When A Loved One Dies
Meaning affects everything we do; and just as importantly it affects the body, as many examples of body-mind relationships such as the placebo effect show. Finding the meaning of death is not always easy, and sometimes it is hard to find.
However, searching for meaning when a loved one dies can affect how you cope with your loss and reinvest in life. Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung, the founder of analytical psychology, put it this way: “Meaning makes many things enduring – perhaps everything.”
Searching for meaning is useless in your early grief; first give yourself time to express your feelings and examine the relationship. Ultimately, do everything you can to find meaning in your loss. Here are seven aspects that have given meaning to others after the death of a loved one that can help you in your own search.
1. Meaning derived from the belief that there is a spirit world. Many people have shared experiences that have convinced them of the spirit world and life after death. A Near-Death Experience (NDE) has happened to over 8 million people who report going through a tunnel, seeing others who have gone before them, and a beautiful white light.
Others who mourn the death of a loved one have experienced dreams, visions, and a variety of synchronic and symbolic events called extraordinary experiences (EEs). These events provided comfort and enough evidence for them to believe that their loved ones were living in another existence. This had a great impact on the course of their grief work.
2. Meaning derived from celebrating a life lived. This may include dedications, memorial services, carrying on a particular tradition, or volunteering in honor of the deceased. Some survivors have started support groups or supported the recently bereaved in their community as needed.
3. Meaning derived from the belief that there is a heaven and a hell. Many grieving people find comfort in the belief that their loved ones are in heaven with God. Many also adopt the doctrine of the Lord’s Supper, where they can pray for their loved ones and ask them to pray before God for them.
4. Meaning derived from the belief that love never dies. Many who receive communication from a dead loved one or a god interpret it as an act of love. Their love for the deceased continues as they reinvest in life and establish a new, healthy but different relationship. Feeling love and giving love when hurting is an underutilized but very effective survival tool.
5. Meaning derived from the belief that one day there will be a reunion with the deceased. Those who believe in an afterlife, heaven, or receive EE are often convinced that they will see their loved ones again when they die. They don’t fear death, and they reinvest their energy into their current lives.
6. Meaning derived from the belief that the loved one continues to comfort, care and provide support. “Even in death, he gives and cares”, think many who felt the presence of their loved one while grieving. This is a profound example for them.
7. Meaning derived from the belief that the deceased is intact and healthy in a different existence. Many of the post-death contacts that experience grief show the loved one well again. They are grateful that their loved one is no longer in pain.
Clearly, there are many, many other ways that individual mourners find meaning in the death of their loved ones, helping them to integrate their loss into their lives. Much depends on personal beliefs, the nature of the relationship with the deceased and the manner of death. The search for meaning is an important part of grief work for most, and it often becomes a time when we are open to revising our worldviews and beliefs about life and death.
Sometimes understanding death seems pointless. For example, how do you find meaning in the death of a four-month-old child (this happened to me)? I was finally able to come to terms with it. Still, looking for the reason for the experience and making sense of it with a trusted friend or relative is helpful. We currently need others to be with us when we are in pain. Find the right person to help you understand your loss.
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