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Does Your Grief Cause You To Feel Sorry For Yourself – Choking You With Unending Intense Pain?
“I can try to protect myself from my grief by not talking about my loss. I might secretly hope that the dead person will come back if I don’t talk about it. But as hard as it is, I have to feel it to heal. it.” ~Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.
Grief is a powerful force that humbles even the strongest of characters. The pain of grief makes almost all people feel sorry for themselves. You are no exception grief has invited you to a pity party; you can stay as long as you want. Some are sorry for a really long time. Others are able to muster strength they didn’t know they had and rise above their misery and begin to rebuild happiness. Everyone needs to feel and understand their grief in order to heal. You should think about whether your experience of grief has made you feel sorry for yourself and for how long.
You can’t get your old life back
As much as you want, as much as you pray and hope, you cannot turn your life back to the way it was. It can be very complicated and painful when someone you love dies or you experience some other horrific and lasting consequence in your life. Dealing with who or what you’ve lost is like inviting a dark cloud of fog to suffocate you as it hangs around your neck – every waking moment. Understanding your own thoughts and feelings is challenging. Figuring out what happened and how you face the new one in your life can seem hopeless. Horror, resentment, sadness, depression, grief, even anger and rage can describe feelings of grief. After your extremely sad event, it is likely that you feel sorry for yourself. You may often feel sorry for yourself. You are in the middle of an overwhelming crisis. Oh how you can wish your old life back! The big question you have to ask yourself is how long it will take me to come to terms with my grief.
Crying releases tension and expresses your need for comfort
Tears won’t bring back who or what you’ve lost. Tears can really make you feel better. Being able to release your emotions through crying can help you begin your healing journey as you learn to understand your sadness and move towards more joy. Let’s see that a tragedy in our lives makes us feel sad about our new circumstances and ourselves. It is unwise and probably unrealistic to assume or declare that everything is under control. Let’s be honest, chances are you’ve said why or why did this happen to me, or woe is me. In many Eastern countries, weeping and wailing is understood as a normal part of grief and mourning.
When my leg was amputated
My grief journey made me feel sorry for myself. I was absolutely amazed when my doctor stood by my bed with a serious look on his face and said, “Duane, you really have two options – sometime in the next year you can probably go sing with choirs – or we amputate.” My dear Joan, my partner for many years, was there in the room. When I looked at him and saw him tearing up, bottomless emotions flooded over us. as we listened to Dr. Beal explain the whys and wherefores. His description was crystal clear of how quickly the type and progression of a staph infection could take my life.
Scared, terrified, panicked words come to mind. I felt torn. Such passionate fear has never been a part of my life experiences. My fears went off my emotional map! As she left the room she said, “You’ll have to make a decision soon. We’ve tried everything we can medically do to kill that staph infection, but it’s quickly moving up your leg bone and will soon move to other parts of your body.” I still remember my feelings after fourteen years. As I mentioned, I was scared, terrified and panicked like I had never been before. Yes, I felt sorry for myself. I felt torn. Such passionate fear has never been a part of my life experiences. My fears went off my emotional map!
I quickly realized how little anything else mattered to me at the moment now that I wasn’t sure how much time I had left on earth. I felt a higher intensity and passion to take care of myself. My prayers became more focused. I wonder why some people live through illnesses like cancer or other extreme conditions and others don’t. No doubt I had taken life for granted, believing that I had a long time and how precious each day really is! I asked why this happened to me. I soon realized that it is a pointless dead-end question. Instead, my thoughts focused on this is happening to me, what do I do now?
It is helpful to ask yourself how long you should feel sorry for yourself.
It is not a newly discovered fact, life is not far away. You may well be justified in feeling sorry for yourself. Your lawsuit may stem from a horrific tragedy. You may need to have a short little party. You may have considered taking a short break from it all. However, you can’t expect to wake up from hibernation to expect a wonderful positive joyful change in your life. Nothing has changed during the sympathy.
As much as you want, pray and hope, because you can’t turn your life back to the way it was. Some circumstances resulting from whatever caused your grief may always be a part of your life as you move forward. You may often regret your loss. You never stop loving someone even when they are gone. You may always mourn what you no longer have. Anxiety and sadness happen. Your best question to answer for yourself is how long will it take me to come to terms with my grief. Reconciling grief, moving through your grief, and finding a happier, more meaningful life is worth all the effort. It’s okay to feel sorry for your grief-stricken state of affairs. However, don’t let your sadness stop you from trying to make your own new happiness.
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