What To Do When My 1 Year Old Hits Me My Body, My Swat

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My Body, My Swat

In general, I don’t get offended easily, and I don’t lose my temper easily. I lost my temper at the age of six, but haven’t found it since. The gracious matron of the vicarage is trying to find it, but so far she has not found it.

A lot of people get ticked off by some small little thing, because it really isn’t much.

For example, when you drive through a fast food drive-through, you realize what it’s all about. The customer in front of me is so impatient, and the customer behind me is just as impatient. They want everything on their schedule.

When I get in the middle I just relax because there is no way I can speed up the line so why try.

Very few things offend me, and I’ve found that to be a very good practice.

Don’t give this away, but the gracious Mistress of the Vicarage can get out of hand very quickly, especially with bugs, lizards and the like, not to mention snakes.

For some reason he doesn’t like snakes and when he sees one, even if it’s on TV, he reacts very negatively.

One time when we were on vacation and staying at a motel, there was a frog under his pillow. I’ve lived that nightmare many times. I didn’t know my wife could dance and sing at the same time. I didn’t recognize the song, but I enjoyed his performance.

Because I’m not easily ticked off, I enjoy ticking other people off, especially about little things beyond their control.

Then the story hit me!

It was the “Love Bugs” season that happens every year. I always forget it’s coming, but it comes every year. The past year seems to have been my worst experience.

It was love bugs, mosquitoes and flies. I assume they have a purpose in this world, but I have yet to figure out what that purpose is. Their purpose does not suit me personally.

When morning came, I went outside to get into my vehicle to go to the church office; as soon as i stepped out i was hit with a bunch of love bugs. I don’t know what they see in me that they love so much, I wish they would leave it out. I am thinking of filing for divorce.

As I walked towards my vehicle, I slapped left and right, up and down and each punch hit a bug. I have to admit they were starting to bother me.

No matter where I went that day, some bug would follow me and try to snuggle with me. Why do they have to be so loving?

All day I stared at these bugs. The more I hit, the more they seemed to come my way.

I was at Publix and as I was walking down the aisle a mosquito landed on my nose and without thinking I swatted it as hard as I could. Yes, the mosquito was dead. Yeah, my nose was bleeding.

I heard several laughs behind me, and I was afraid to turn around. I reached out and wiped my nose as best I could. When I got to the counter to pay for my product, the cashier looked at me and smiled very warmly. I stared back at him with a grimace I hadn’t used in a long time.

I told him very rudely, “That’s my body, my blow.”

I guess I never learned the lesson, but I hit my nose, cheek, and chin several times that week. I guess it’s just a habit.

Once a fly flew into my mouth, and believe me, it wasn’t an Apple Fritter. I still have that bad taste in my mouth.

Several days later I was at Publix again and the bugs were still in action. Everywhere I went there was a bug.

I hit myself several times and luckily there was no blood. But I got a few bugs that never bother me again.

While walking around the store, I tried to avoid bugs as much as possible. When I was done, I went to the checkout to pay for the products.

While I was standing there, suddenly someone slapped me on the back.

I turned around and looked and a guy said, “I did you a favor. There was a bug crawling on your back, and I killed it for you.”

Looking at him I said, “My body, my beat.”

I apologized very calmly and just laughed and said, “It’s okay. It’s one down and countless to go.”

We both laughed a little and I logged out and went to my car.

Driving home I happen to think of a verse from the Old Testament. “Take for us the foxes, the little foxes that spoil the vines, for our vines have soft grapes” (Song of Solomon 2:15).

It got me thinking about the little bugs that caused such havoc in my life. It’s the little things you don’t think about at the time that do all the damage. I tend to focus on the “big” things in my life, allowing those “small” things to do most of the damage.

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