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Sacred Love – The Spirit of Love, the Joy of Life
I once gave my partner a book. Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo called it “She’s Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth for Understanding Guys.” You can find it on Amazon. It was one of the best relationship books I’ve read. Basically, the premise of the entire book is the basis of the US television series Sex in the City.
The theme is something like this: “men are afraid to tell women that the relationship is over, so they just leave the bunch and start behaving badly. Women think this is ok, natural and therefore compromise. Then comes bitterness, stretched relationships and misery.”
I thought this book set a kind of standard that men needed to understand. It meant that “almost was not good enough” and that marriage was not a license to end the romance that caused it in the first place. The more I read the book, the more I realized that although it was written for women about men, all the themes were identical for men about women.
I meet both men and women in business all over the world. They are very demanding people – demanding uncompromising standards of quality control, discipline, focus and attention from everyone they work with and even more from themselves. At home, they are very demanding with their children, expect the best, help them grow and learn. But when it comes to their relationship, my testimony has not been so positive.
Although the standard of gender equality is constantly improving in the workplace today, very few men can be humble enough to respect it at home. It seems that when they’re horny or lonely or when something isn’t going well at work, their relationship is at the top of their list of priorities for most professional people. But when the wind is blowing nicely, the sails are up and the sky is blue, their attention to the relationship takes a back seat.
I know that no one can treat you better than you treat yourself. So unlike the book mentioned above, I don’t see any victims. However, I see the need to draw lines in the sand. (This doesn’t include emotionally disturbed people who can’t stay attractive. They need to personally clean up their emotional laundry by taking some responsibility for it so they can actually find a relationship). The lines in the sand are for an emotionally healthy individual who deserves to be seen in a relationship as the most important person in their partner’s life. And for that reason, I think the book is a great call to action for both men and women.
It must come as a shock to those women who realize they are bound to a marriage with children and a man who “just isn’t into you.” I believe that it is at this point that this book can be of immense value. I think the compromise is completely unnecessary; it is out of the question in a healthy life. Here are just a few reasons why I don’t think you have to put up with being with someone who “just isn’t into you.”
1. You are not a victim. No one treats you better than you treat yourself. If you can’t see that you deserve better, how can they?
2. Nothing is missing, it just changes shape. Sometimes the affection of a relationship comes from other relationships and thus fills a person’s personal space. Like ex-partners, children, friends, families, sports, religion, yoga gurus, self-obsession, and financial obsession. Often people are connected to other people and things in a close and valued bond. They are not available. Nothing is missing, so if the space is already taken by someone else, how can the lover step into it
3. What you value grows. If you want to be respected and treated better, it is wise to appreciate what you get. Complaining about what you don’t get is a sure way to diminish the value of what little you already have. Sometimes, and especially when “she’s just not into you,” there’s an expectation that no matter how you treat someone else, they’ll still treat you well. A person who is not grateful is the most unromantic sausage in the world. And thank you is not what goes through your head. I remember one woman telling me, “I was always grateful, I just forgot to show it”. It’s the little things that matter.
4. Do you wish you were treated better than you treat yourself? I meet some very stressed, mentally exhausted, completely hyperventilating people, running around with their jobs, their kids, their age, or where they live, who are looking for a relationship to “solve their personal problems”. Marianne Williamson comments, “Make a list of all the things you want in love, list them all. Then look at that list, imagine the person, and then ask yourself, ‘Would that person go out with you?'” Her suggestion is that you become the things on the list.
5. Love is a way of life. Can you imagine the book “he’s not that into you” doesn’t talk about how diet, clothes, health, happiness, silence, spirit can affect how a partner feels about you. If you both eat heavily at night, love is a lazy match. Two full bellies rubbing against each other does not make for romance. I remember a woman who loved to dance. She gave it up because of her relationship and wondered why her partner, who encouraged her to give it up, “wasn’t into her”. Well the basic answer is, “he just wasn’t himself”, he loved that dance and he loved that spirit of life. He lost his spark. So, he got what he wanted; more time but the quality was poor. Always remember that it’s your job to come home inspired, not their job to inspire you.
6. Birthdays, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, weekends. We have divided the year into “special days” so that the rest of the time “we can be normal”. What a stupid idea that is. Who thought of that? Work five days like a zombie and rest on the weekend on Monday. Have sex in the evening after dinner. Take a romantic vacation. Who broke the year into these mechanized compartments, stole the spontaneity and threw away the key.
7. Many things prevent love that shouldn’t be. At first we have that feeling of the lover who hurt us, or the friend who hurt our friend, or that father who hurt our mother. If you’re in a relationship and you don’t know how to deal with your disappointments, your heartaches, you’re just going to the baby slopes of love. If there’s one thing I want you to learn from my book that I value more than anything else, it’s that you learn how to deal with your disappointments and heartaches so that you can stay on the steepest slope of love until the wind flies. with an open heart and spontaneous joy. I want to. This is my spirit. Alive, because I know how to stop on skis, I also know how to deal with my injury.
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