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Seven Ways to Control An Angry Child!
Anger is the basis of aggression, violence and hostility. There is much research in psychological and psychiatric settings to support the root causes of anger, followed by a variety of treatment strategies that are valuable for teenagers and adults. Functionally, it’s easy for parents to anticipate, explore and research anger among children and teenagers. The most difficult thing is not to anticipate and recognize the triggers of anger, but to act with the child when he is angry or shows antisocial behavior.
Children’s anger can be seen in different environments, such as school, university, workplace and home environment, but it also has other dimensions. According to the National Bullying Survey, 56% of young people mentioned that they have seen others being bullied online. About 43% of people felt unsafe online.
According to a recent systematic review by Hillis. You don’t. al, (Pediatrics, 2016), one billion children and young people aged 2-17 experienced violence during the past year. The study concluded that early exposure to violence can weaken the structure and function of the brain. Young children are at greater risk, anger, violence, aggression can affect their metabolism, immune system and lead them down the road to mental health problems, diabetes and heart disease.
Often, early childhood aggression is not taken seriously. Anger in toddlers, young children and teenagers can be understood in different ways. It can be assumed to be a personality trait or a genetic factor. The social-cultural background also plays a significant role in childhood anger.
Simply put, aggression is an attempt to control and harm another person. However, children and teenagers should not be subjected to physical force or emotional pain with intent to harm just because they behave in a way we don’t want them to.
Hitting, whipping or yelling at a child leads to poor impulse control, self-regulation and poor expression of aggression. the child’s bad behavior mentally, socially and emotionally. Rising Horizons does not need authoritative, permissive or indifferent parenting styles, but a sense of gentle touch, affection and love.
The higher the pitch of an adult’s voice when dealing with an angry toddler or young child, the greater their aggression. Calmness, patience and a non-violent environment are important factors in improving a child’s behavior. Simply put, the child’s behavior is (directly proportional) very much to the parent’s behavior!
If parent and child scream together, the situation remains the same without improvement. It’s like beating around the bush that never pays off. In addition, it affects the child’s reliability and emotional security (parent-child bond) in the long term. It is important to understand that a child under the age of 4-5 has no intention of harming anyone around him.
He likes to explore the world using different body senses, such as touching different textures (for example carpet, sockets, laptop, smartphone keys), observing contrasting colors and images to explore visual features (grabbing the phone or iPad to see images or photos) and shouting , when they enjoy their own voice, but hitting, kicking or pinching their parents or guardians is not fundamentally on their agenda. Even yelling or getting angry is not their first choice, it only happens when they have no other choice to get things done!
Biting usually occurs due to the attachment factor.
At this stage of development, attention-seeking behavior is common, which is misinterpreted as aggressive behavior in toddlers or young people. A study conducted by Dahl, A. (2015) at the University of California also suggests that aggression used by toddlers or young people is unprovoked. Children engage in exploratory power to seek attention. Apparently, unprovoked acts become less frequent after 18 months of age, when toddlers learn that their aggression hurts others or they become sensitive to others’ distress. So it must be understood that children do not hit or bite on purpose to annoy their parents and siblings, but because of their own novelty in the world. Children who belong to the age group of 36 months are likely to be aggressive.
The following are some practical, solution-based nurturing strategies that can be explored to improve and strengthen a child’s behavior, self-esteem, and parent-child connection. It’s worth remembering that every child is different, but learning more about your child’s behavior and consistently implementing these suggestions can be helpful.
A. Act quickly but calmly:
When a child is aggressive, it is important that parents show patience, calmness and a normal tone of voice. Shouting and yelling do not solve the problem, but increase the child’s aggression. In addition, there will be a mirroring of the parents’ activities. Parents should not waste time or take a “Let it go” approach because it is his first time or he is too young to understand instructions and gestures.
For example, if a child hits a younger sibling for no reason, for the first time, it should be addressed immediately. He needs to apologize and take a 3-5 minute break to calm down and think about his mistake. Later, the parents can talk to him to make him understand what he has done wrong. He should be aware of his actions and their consequences.
Keynote: Setting rules for actions with consequences is important.
B. Assess your child (this applies to at least 3 years old):
Praise plays an important role. Appreciate your child’s efforts if he behaves well in social situations instead of yelling, kicking, pinching, or just being impulsive.
Encourage her desirable behavior by rewarding her with emoticons or a thumbs up on a behavior chart for a good deed or act of kindness such as opening doors for others.
Hugs and kisses are good for calming an angry child. According to the Sensory Integration theory, hugs give deep pressure to the body, which is a great way to relax the child. The use of weighted blankets or vests can also be useful in the treatment of ADHD, sensory processing disorders and autism spectrum disorder. Most often, anger is associated with these states.
Other approaches may include a pat on the back, applause, or giving certificates of recognition for completing a task.
Some parents try to reinforce good behavior by rewarding Legos, Play Stations, X-Boxes or chocolates, which are common forms of “bribing”. This is likely to be beneficial in the short term. As soon as the bribery is stopped, the child returns to the same behavior.
Keynote: Giving hugs and kisses is a gesture that lets children know they are valued and cared for simply because they are their parents’ true love.
C. Participate comprehensively with the child:
To understand your child’s thinking, feelings or inner feelings, keep the phone away when interacting with them. It is important to devote time to the child mentally and physically. We create distance from family to create and maintain relationships with distant people.
Turning off the phone, especially if it’s a “smart” phone, is one of the easiest ways for most of us to significantly focus our attention and focus on the present moment.
Parents need to understand that what is important now and in the future is in front of their eyes and not on a smartphone screen.
If the parents can’t pay more attention to the child, that’s ok, but ignoring the child’s existence is not acceptable. Ignorance damages the child emotionally, mentally and psychologically. Building good childhood memories is the parents’ responsibility.
Keynote: Not being able to pay attention is tolerable, but ignorance is intolerable.
D. Learn to say NO:
Saying yes to everything does not make you an ideal parent. It is not necessary that all requirements are met every time. If the requirements are not within your reach due to lack of time or funds, you can always say NO politely without verbal or physical violence. Loving or projecting good behavior does not mean you always have to compromise in every situation to avoid aggression.
Let the child understand that not all demands are genuine to fulfill. This way we can also prevent dangerous situations, such as getting a call from the daycare center or preschool, because the child’s behavior causes headaches for others as well. It is better to pay attention and teach the child social ethics and norms at home than to be embarrassed in front of strangers or outsiders.
Keynote: It is important to teach, but not to punish!
E. Physical activity
This is a good source for reducing anger and aggression. Often children are very energetic and need some source to channel their energy. If this does not happen, they will become aggressive and difficult to handle. Physical activity helps them regulate themselves physically, mentally and emotionally. For example, exercising on a trampoline at home or running in the park can be helpful.
In addition, riding a bike or playing on an obstacle course with pillows or soft toys can be done at home. This also helps them explore new tasks and learn by doing. Physical activity generates and activates brain cells that support cognitive and perceptual abilities. In addition, playing with playmates or friends increases sociability and social skills.
Keynote: Channel the child’s energies in a positive direction.
Spanking does NOT change the child’s behavior.
Often out of frustration, parents spank children thinking that this will stop his unwanted behavior, but spanking only increases hostility and aggression. Expressing anger peacefully is difficult, but more effective as a long-term behavior change than reprimanding or whipping. Spanking is modeling violence, which can be mild but harmful.
It should be avoided completely. Hitting, in any form, doesn’t teach a child how to feel when he’s hurt, it teaches the lesson back, says Elizabeth Gershoff, a child development expert at the University of Texas at Austin. He says the kids don’t change their behavior, they just hit other people more.
Keynote: Monkey look, monkey do!
G. Use of Gestures:
This develops the child’s understanding of right and wrong.
The rule of yelling or scolding does not mean permissive parenting. Other approaches can be used, such as strong eye contact, making sad faces, to show distaste for the child’s actions. From nine months onwards, children can understand “NO”, so this gesture can be used to show resistance or discouragement towards wrongdoing. Pediatrician Dr. Harvey Karp suggests the “clap-grunt” technique. If the child has bitten his little brother, he will say, “Clap hard,” then extend your index finger and say, “No bite!” The parent may look away for a moment and repeat the stern look again, waving himself off. finger and say don’t bite”. Gestures of keeping quiet (putting a finger to the lips) or thumbs down when he shouts or screams help develop a child’s understanding of feelings and actions.
Giving the thumbs up when he does something positive helps the child gain confidence in learning positive behavior. Teaching different gestures, such as shaking hands, clapping, waving, supports a toddler or young child in social interaction in early childhood.
Main note: Gestures are a non-verbal form of communication that supports the child to develop verbally.
Think about it: How would you feel if someone constantly annoyed you by telling you that your behavior is not right?
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