Young Cool 5 Year Old Boy Hanging Out With Girls The Effects of the Father Daughter Relationship on Self Esteem – From First Love to Self Love

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The Effects of the Father Daughter Relationship on Self Esteem – From First Love to Self Love

Do you remember the first boy you fell in love with? Close your eyes and think about him for a moment. What was his name? How old were you? Where were you when you first looked into each other’s eyes and held each other’s hands? Remember how it felt to be with him. When you were together, time stood still. Even when you were among a group of friends, you felt special because he was there. Even the thought of him was exciting. You felt alive.

What a wonderful feeling! I will never forget the first boy I fell in love with. It was the summer I turned thirteen. I was running on my skateboard with my friend who was close to his. That’s when I saw him. He was on his bike when our paths literally crossed. I don’t know what made us all stop, but we did. Turns out David didn’t live very far away, and it soon became a habit of him to ride his bike down my street hoping to find me hanging outside my house or skateboarding around our neighborhood. David turned sixteen at the end of that summer. I didn’t mind that he was more mature than any boy I’d ever liked. I was more worried about how my older brother would feel about it since they were the same age.

Throughout that summer, David and I spent many days together. We talked for hours. He was different from most boys I knew. He was confident and knew how to get along with a girl. I think what stuck out the most was how he made me feel when he put his arms around me. I remember the feeling like it happened yesterday. I was so young and yet so very much in love. While David may have been the first boy I loved, he wasn’t the first man.

Think about the first man you fell in love with. Do you remember the first time he held you in his big, strong arms? His kisses were so tender and his touch so gentle. The warmth of his body against you was very comforting. Sleeping was easier when you felt so safe, so loved. Do you remember? It was so long ago…

Let me help you with this… you can’t possibly remember how you felt because – you were just a baby. The first man you loved was none other than your father. Imagine yourself as a child. You came into this world needing warmth, nourishment and human contact. Unless your father was gone moments before you left the womb, his arms were the first male arms to wrap around your tiny body. This was your first contact with the opposite sex, and even though you were only a baby, the bond between you and your father began to develop.

According to Konrad Lorenz’s extensively researched attachment theory, commitment is a natural and biological certainty. We know for sure that ducklings, baby monkeys, and human babies are all genetically programmed to bond immediately after birth and during their first few days of life. And their nurturers (mothers, fathers, caregivers) also become attached to these babies.

Unfortunately, not all babies are given the same opportunity to bond with their father simply because they were physically gone. Born into the world if you never connect with your father, it may feel like there’s a void in your life that you’ve been trying to fill ever since.

Can a young girl’s absence of her biological father lead her to subconsciously find that missing link in other men? With her innate need to connect with him unsatisfied, can she still develop healthy relationships? Wouldn’t her mother’s strong love be enough? Scary questions to which no one knows the answers for sure.

However, the evidence, backed by research and real-life stories in The Father Effect: How Your Father Shaped Who You Are and Who You Love, 1st Edition, shows that without a father present during these early years, young girls feel abandoned, hurt, and abandoned. As a result, their self-esteem is low, their self-esteem is questionable, and their relationship choices revolve around finding men just like their father (to heal wounds) or the extreme opposite (to avoid repetition at all costs).

Even the strongest mother figure(s) seem to long for the deep male love, the father figure they never had when they were young. Further research reveals that when the father’s presence is negative, it is very likely that a young woman will seek “love” in the arms of a man, whether he is good for her or not.

The father-daughter experience tells us that the desire to be loved by our fathers is a deep, emotional need rooted in our biological and psychological makeup. We feel connected to our fathers because they created us together. Shouldn’t they love us and want to be a part of our lives just for the sake of it? And if they don’t, if they hurt us or leave us, doesn’t it make sense that we adapt? I know I felt unloved and insecure when my dad left. It took me years to realize it wasn’t about me.

For many women, their father’s love was their first love. For others, it was the first disappointment. If your father was unable or unwilling to offer you unconditional love, even if he was abusive, all is not lost. You don’t have to feel like your low self-esteem will never improve and you’ll never attract a loving partner because of your father’s poor parenting skills, poor judgment, and hurtful actions. You have the power to separate yourself from this experience and know that you deserve to be loved.

Your happiness and the success of your relationship depends on only one element; You – You and the power of your mind; You and the inner strength you have to rise above the darkest moments and the saddest heartaches.

From today, turn that need for your father’s love and acceptance inward and nurture your Self. Focus on your positive qualities. Embrace your loving heart. Let go of the past, you’ve been burdened, saddened and affected long enough. And while you’re in this process of self-healing and self-love, spread those feelings outward to those who will greatly appreciate it: your children, your friends, and even your favorite charity.

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